Inch by Inch, It’s a Cinch: How to Measure Penis Size
It’s a question as old as time. Do you measure your penis from the tip to the base or as far up your buttcrack as you can fit a wooden ruler?
Lots of men are obsessed with penis size. Porn and picky size queens teach us that bigger is better. Sexual anxiety leads a lot of men to inflate their member’s measurements, whether exaggerating on dating apps or letting a Magnum XL “accidentally” slip from their wallet in front of a potential hookup.
Whatever you’re packing, knowing how to measure your penis accurately is essential for your sexual health. And no, we aren’t talking about bringing all the boys to the yard with your girthy gherkin. We’re talking about buying condoms that comfortably fit your shaft. Rubbers that aren’t suited to your length or girth can fall off, pinch and kill an erection, or burst from all that sexy friction (yikes).
Lucky for you, you don’t have to be Will Hunting to do this math. All you need is a flexible tape measure and a stiffy.
What to use to measure a penis
Hitting your partner’s esophagus during a blowjob is a fun accomplishment to add to your sexual bucket list. But it’s not the most accurate method to measure your penis.
For the sake of absolute precision, flexible measuring tape is better than a rigid ruler. Lots of men pack a slightly curved penis, and a stiff ruler will shave length off your number — and every millimeter counts. For science.
Plus, to measure your penis thickness, you’ll need a flexible measuring tape to wrap around your pecker.
Softie versus erection: Which should I measure?
Whether you’re a grower or a shower, you should measure your erect penis. That way, you’ll buy condoms that fit just right. After all, most of us don’t stick our flaccid penis into a rubber — except, of course, for the limp dick fetishists.
Remember, your penis has a mind of its own. Factors like temperature and mood might knock you down a centimeter or two. For the most share-worthy results, measure your penis several times and take the average.
While you’re at it: As long as you have to get an erection, you might as well have fun with it. Try Grindr’s guide to guided masturbation or ask your man to get you hard by practicing his sexy striptease.
How to measure penis length
No, you don’t start along the perineum. Here’s the generally accepted method:
- Place the end of a flexible measuring tape on the top side of your penis, starting from the base. It should touch the pubic bone, the place where your penis meets the rest of your body. Push back any excess fat or public hair to ensure the ruler is up against the bone.
- Measure from the pubic bone to the tip of your penis. If you have an uncircumcised penis, be sure your foreskin retracts below the head.
- You’re done! That’s the length of your penis.
According to extensive penile research, the average length of an erect penis is between 5.1 and 5.5 inches. Although gay culture celebrates hung men, there’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all orifice. Plenty of men enjoy — and even prefer — deep-throating or bottoming a run-of-the-mill weiner. Likewise, a good top knows it only takes two inches to hit your G-spot and give you a prostate orgasm.
Excessive fat around the base of your penis can lower your apparent length — a good reason to work out. Although exercise doesn’t increase the size of your dick, burning subcutaneous fat from your groin area will let your little man emerge in all his glory.
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How to measure penis girth
Girth, aka circumference, is probably the most important factor determining where your man meat will fit. It’s certainly what a bottom is going to remember the next day. Here’s how to measure it:
- Wrap a tape measure around the middle of your penile shaft.
- For science, you can choose the widest part of the shaft.
According to more very important penile research, the average penis girth is 3.6 inches flaccid and 4.59 inches erect.
How to measure penis width
Although even the thirstiest fuccbois probably won’t ask you about the width of your penis, it comes in handy for buying condoms, which tend to measure length and width.
Here’s how to measure it:
- Take the girth of your penis.
- Divide that number by pi, or roughly 3.14. For example, if your penis girth is 4.6 inches erect, your penis width is 1.46 inches.
How to know what size condom to get
Once you’re done measuring and calculating like a penile tailor, you’re ready to pick out a condom that fits you like a bespoke suit.
Condom sizes are designed by length and nominal width, which is the distance across a rolled-up condom. As a rule of thumb, a condom should fit more snugly around the base of your penis so it doesn’t fall off. However, if you like a condom that’s roomier or vacuum-sealed along the shaft and head, that’s up to personal preference.
Standard condoms are generally comfortable for erect penises that are 5–7 inches long and 4.25–5 inches in girth. If you are above average, a large-size condom (like a Magnum or XL) will fit more comfortably on the shaft and fully cover your penis when unrolled. If you’re below average, try a small or “snug” condom. If you’re overwhelmed, check the brand’s measurements against your own.
The comfort of a condom is subjective. You might like something stretchier, looser, or skin-tight (just not so tight that it hurts). The only way to find out is to try one on and give it a test run. Likewise, check with your partner. A loose-fitting condom might feel uncomfortable inside their anus.
3 penis size myths for the calculation kings
Size matters to some men. But plenty of guys care about more than that bulge in your boxers. Here are a few common myths:
1. You know what they say about big feet
You know what they say, and we’re here to tell you it’s a lie. Some studies have found positive correlations between penis length and index finger length and height. However, there’s very little evidence to support the shoe size myth. Remember, all bodies are different. Just because you spot a man with sausage fingers doesn’t mean he’s hiding a giant linguiça between his thighs.
2. Only size matters
Men tend to exaggerate their size for a reason. We’re told that the longer and girthier your dangler, the better you are in bed. Although size queens walk among us, your penis is only one aspect of sex. And for many bottoms, a top who masters rhythm, force, and depth is more valuable than a hung dude who just jams it in.
Plus, there are countless ways to maintain a healthy sex life. Fingering, vibrators, oral, and masturbation are just a few ways to work that cock and ass. Perfect the art of moaning, practice your bondage knots, or dive into niche kinks to keep your man begging for more.
3. Your sexual health isn’t determined by your dick size
The size of your penis is mostly ornamental when it comes to your sexual health. If it negatively impacts your sexual satisfaction, consider speaking with a mental health professional who specializes in sex.
Likewise, if you have issues with premature ejaculation, an uncomfortably curved penis, or discomfort during sex, that’s a good reason to seek medical advice from a urologist.
Too big? Too small? This one’s just right
Need help determining how long your schlong is? Plenty of men on Grindr are willing to lend you a hand. Find one on the Grindr app today and ask him to bring over his toolkit.
