The Kinsey Scale Was My First Step to Self-Acceptance

Like many closeted and slightly confused bi men, I attended a small liberal arts college where it seemed like every other man wasn’t just out as gay, but also knew how to be gay. 

To learn more about the history of the Kinsey Reports, check out Grindr’s Daddy Lessons here.

Of course, there isn’t one way to be gay or queer, but they watched RuPaul’s Drag Race. They knew gay slang. (TBH, I’m still not entirely sure what boots the house down, Mary means, despite often reciting the words with flair.) They gay gasped and gay lisped and gay wristed, were in shape, and were perpetually dressed to the nines. They were having dancefloor makeouts in public while sober. 

Meanwhile, starting my second week of freshman year, I was getting blacked out to hook up with men because the idea of doing so sober felt too gay. I always used the excuse of being sloshed as a reason for indulging in my same-sex desires. Oh, I was just drunk. It doesn’t count. A mouth is a mouth. (Obviously, if you like doing something while drunk sexually, you would probably like doing it sober, if you granted yourself permission.) 

But towards the end of my freshman year, in May 2010, I was sitting with a gaggle of openly gay and straight friends, where a gay man brought up the Kinsey Scale to boast that he was Kinsey 6, a gold star gay, and exclusively homosexual. (For those who don’t know, the scale ranges from 0 to 6, with 0 representing exclusive heterosexuality, 6 representing exclusive homosexuality, and the numbers in between indicating varying degrees of attraction to males and females.)

When I learned of the scale, I was intrigued. At the time, there was hardly any bisexual visibility in the media, and the few men I knew in my life who came out bisexual ended up saying, “JK lol,” and came out as gay shortly after. 

So, I just didn’t think bisexuality was a real sexual orientation. Meanwhile, here was this famous, groundbreaking study whose findings revealed there are a LOT of people who don’t identify as exclusively gay or straight (meaning they didn’t score a 0 or 6). In fact, only 10% of men were ranked a 5 or 6 on the scale (meaning predominantly or exclusively homosexual), and 11.6% of men were given a rating of 3 (meaning pretty equally attracted to both males and females). 

We went around the table and each shared where we thought we were on the scale. I was last in the circle, and all the guys before me either identified as a 0 or 6, whereas the women at the table were more likely to state they were a 1, 2, 4, or 5. 

Finally, all eyes turned toward me. No surprise that the current sex and relationship expert for Grindr was a big, ol’ slut in college, hooking up with anyone who had a pulse. And so my sexuality wasn’t just confusing to me, but also a hot topic of speculation to those around me. (There were always whispers that I was gay in the closet.) 

I took the longest to respond, and eventually, though not super confidently, identified as a 1, meaning predominantly heterosexual but not exclusively. 

I cannot emphasize enough how huge that was for me. That was the first time I admitted to myself and said out loud that I was not 100% straight. Knowing how many other people scored between a 1 and 5 in the study helped me realize I was not alone. I wasn’t this weird dude who was somewhere in the middle. I was a healthy and normal dude who was somewhere in the middle (and not the only one)!

Still, it took another four years to finally embrace the bisexual label (and be able to sleep with men sober). To admit honestly, I am not a 1 on this scale but am actually a 3. That I’m attracted to all genders—men, women, non-binary, and trans. As long as you got a pretty smile, fat ass, and/or thick hog, I will wanna be inside of you (or have you inside of me—ideally both).

But I am so grateful for the Kinsey Reports, as they helped me on my sexuality journey. They were my first big step to admitting, Yeah… I am probbabbblllyyy not straight. And 70 years after the reports’ publication, I want to thank you, Alfred Kinsey. I’m not sure I would be where I am today, writing this article, if it weren’t for you and your work.