How to Spice Up a Relationship: Pump Some Love Into Your Life
We’ve all heard the story of a couple that used to fuck like freight trains before they lost all their steam and settled into a domestic, sexless life together. It’s usually told as a cautionary tale, the inspiration for such terrifying concepts as gay and lesbian bed death, as if a fizzling spark is the ultimate relationship death sentence.
Luckily for everyone, it’s possible to fan that fading spark back into a roaring, hot-and-heavy flame. It’s only human nature to adapt to our environment, and this means living with someone in an unchanging routine will inevitably turn the once-magical into the now-boring.
The way around this is to break some routines. But how do you shake things up? Unplug from your phones and plug in your sex toys, boys. We’ll show you how to spice up a relationship when it gets boring.
The love doctor is in(side): How to spice up your sex life
Do you listen to friends talk about all the wild sex they’re having and find yourself quietly agonizing over the lack of vitamin D in your own relationship? Comparison is the thief of joy, so quit judging yourself against others and start finding inspiration in their spicy stories.
According to studies by cute nerds in lab coats, sexual boredom is the ultimate boner killer in long-term relationships, so we’re laying out a whole sexy smorgasbord of sexy ideas to help you bust the boredom (and hopefully bust a nut).
1. Talk fantasies with an open mind
Is there one nasty thought that never fails to get you off when you’re alone, but you’ve never mentioned it to your man? If you can get a little vulnerable and he can stay curious, you might try acting out that scenario together for a relationship-rejuvenating orgasm.
Experiment with a few new positions and explore your kinks and fetishes together. It’s a surefire way to upend the status quo. No matter how long you’ve been together, there’s always something new to discover if you’re open to it.
When all else fails, try, try again. We can’t be experts at things we’ve never tried before, so if a new position is awkward or someone ends up icing an interesting injury, don’t be afraid to shake it off and give it another go. If nothing else, you’ll rack up a few new stories to tell!
2. Consider new additions
Maybe you’ve recycled the same penetration-to-post-nut nap routine for a few years because it’s comfortable and reliable. Frankly, you’re tired, and it doesn’t take a lot of effort.
If you need a little extra inspiration to dig yourself out of this particular rut, you could try the following:
- Lingerie: When was the last time you strutted around in a new jockstrap? Dressing down to dress up is a great way to remind your long-time beau how much he loves getting you naked.
- New sex toys: There’s nothing wrong with having a favorite, but if you reach for your vibrator thinking, “Ah, Old Reliable,” it’s time to indulge in something new. Plus, going to the sex shop together on your way to dinner is a fun way to zhuzh up date night and build anticipation for what might happen after.
- A third (or fourth, or fifth): Group sex is practically the definition of variety. Just don’t make this Plan A, OK babe? It can just as often be a relationship killer.
3. Mix up your foreplay
Maybe the sex is still grand when it happens, but you’re struggling to get from Point A (aloof) to Point B (boinking). These foreplay ideas should help:
- Send a flirty message or a raunchy sext while he’s at work to really build the anticipation.
- Let the cuddling turn into kissing before you pivot to an erotic massage.
- Spend some quality time relearning his body before you give in to your own arousal.
4. Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate
The results are in, and all the experts agree: Taking some alone time for self-love improves your relationship with yourself and your partner! And mutual masturbation can be super hot, trust.
If you’ve never watched porn together, start now. You might learn something about each other and pick up new ideas at the same time.
6. Articulate your appreciation
Two crucial ingredients in any relationship are gratitude and reciprocity. So don’t forget to give as much as you receive and never skimp on saying, “Thank you, Daddy.” (This applies outside the bedroom, too.)
And tell him — in detail — what you like about him. Stroke his ego while you stroke his dick. Maybe you used to spew compliments like you used to spew cum, but the well has dried up. Well, tap the damn well again! Boost his confidence at every opportunity.
Get in your feelings: How to spice up a long-term relationship nonsexually
Hitting the Flipside Frenzy is great for bedroom variety and bragging rights, but just between us squirrels, we actually feel our best in a relationship when we feel safe, seen, and soothed by our loved ones. There’s nothing spicier than putting in the work for a better future.
Reimagine your ideas of intimacy and show how much you want each other in all facets of life. It’ll open you up to a whole new world of connection with your partner. Here are our favorite tips and tricks for breathing life into your relationship outside the bedroom.
1. Rebuild your confidence
The hardest rut to dig out of is the one we don’t even realize we’re stuck in. Insecurity is common, but that doesn’t make it okay, and it doesn’t mean you deserve it.
So, when we say “look good to feel good,” we don’t mean you should change your body so much as how you view and treat your body. Something as simple as going for a walk and drinking a glass of water is proven to promote mental and physical health.
This, in turn, improves the quality of your relationships. Plus, you could take that walk with your babe, hold hands, and point out some features of your neighborhood you’ve never noticed before.
Oh lord, it’s too cute! We’re swooning just thinking about it!
2. Revamp your vulnerability
Your partner should be one of the safest people in your life to fully express yourself with. But as early sparks dim and ruts deepen over time, we don’t always notice when we put up walls.
Maybe he made an off-hand comment on your third date about not liking karaoke, so you’ve stopped yourself from singing in front of him for the past five years — only to recently discover that he’s actually just insecure about singing in front of people, and he loves to hear you do it.
Open up about your feelings, no matter how big or small, to reframe old beliefs, find new common ground, and reach deeper levels of emotional intimacy.
3. Communicate, communicate, communicate
Please, for the love of Judy, communicate. Turn off the TV, put down your phone, look into each other’s eyes, and talk.
Tragically, no matter how long you’ve been together or how much you want him to, your partner cannot read your mind. So, if you find yourself constantly annoyed by how he loads the dishwasher, don’t loudly rearrange it, hoping he’ll get the point. You have to actually say it out loud! A mountain of resentment leads to fights — the wrong way to spice things up.
If you’re hurt by something he said, tell him. If you want to change something about your relationship, let him know.
At the end of the day, communication is the foundation for relationship health and longevity. Learn or relearn each other’s love languages to avoid misunderstandings and ensure you both feel properly loved.
4. Invest in therapy
It’s tough love time, darling. Defensiveness, insecurity, and passive-aggression are actually you problems, so if you find yourself blaming bae for every little thing and reacting to every conversation like it’s an attack, it’s time to look inward.
It’s 2024, boys. We do therapy now.
Put your whole ass into therapy — seriously. Get an individual therapist and a relationship therapist. Wear that shit like a badge of honor. Unpack your past for the sake of your future. You and your relationship will benefit.
5. Take time apart
Although it might be fun in the bedroom, being up each other’s butts 24/7 isn’t healthy. Give yourselves time to miss each other. Despite the stories we tell ourselves, true love is not two halves of a whole, and we are not incomplete without a partner.
Out: codependence. In: interdependence.
The strongest relationships are made up of well-rounded individuals who could survive on their own but choose to build a life together.
6. Celebrate each other’s growth
Change doesn’t have to be scary. It is, after all, a beautiful inevitability.
Challenge yourselves to embrace growth, both as individuals and as a couple. Because when you love someone, you love all of them. The more they become their truest self, the more there is to love!
Measure with your heart
Spicing up your love life will take a little trial and error, but these tips and tricks are a great place to start. And if all else fails, try writing him a love note…with your tongue…on his asshole.