How about we skip the small talk?
Your responses are anonymous and not associated with your Grindr account
Choose as many as you like
Choose as many as you like
Finding others who fit your search, hang tight...
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form

What Is a Pillow Prince? Oh, We Exposing ALL Of Y’all

You’ve heard the tales about these blasé bottoms, but what is a pillow prince, exactly? Here’s how you can identify one before they put on their crown.
Grindr
&
Editorial team
January 10, 2024
May 21, 2024
6
min. read
Table of Contents

Not all of us were born with a silver cock ring in our mouth. But a lucky few are accustomed to a certain amount of luxury — and maybe even laziness — in the boudoir, not unlike a member of the royal family. 

If you’re worried you may be a pillow prince, we have a reality check for you.

Picture this: You’re in the throes of passion, cozy as can be on your back, when your partner gives you a mind-blowing orgasm. They smile, you smile, and then you curl up and get back to your Jodi Picoult novel, wondering why he’s still looking at you with a sullen glare and a rock-hard dick. Sound familiar?

If you aren’t part of the buttsex bourgeoisie, then allow us to give you a peek at the bottoms who are all about letting you eat cake but aren't always keen to turn around and handle the baguette.

What is a pillow prince?

Pillow prince is a term that stems from the much more common phrase “pillow princess.” But what is a pillow princess, you ask? Initially, it was slang relegated to the regal lesbians who basically laid around on fainting couches waiting for someone to eat them out.

But you certainly don’t have to be any kind of lesbian to get such a nickname. Gay, straight, bi, or lesbian — you’re a starfish baby; you were born to just lay. 

You don’t have to be a bottom or sub to be a pillow prince, either. That’s right: We’re looking at the lazy tops who think good sex is the kind where you don’t have to stretch first. 

On a more serious note, dubbing yourself a pillow prince sounds cute and all, but it doesn’t have positive connotations for everyone. If you’re not distributing pleasure evenly when your partner wants you to reciprocate, you're a full-out passive pillow prince. We don't make the rules, but we’ll certainly enforce ’em.

Is it wrong to be a pillow prince?

If you’re feeling called out, you might be concerned that the mushy monarch you’ve become isn’t everyone's cup of tea. And you’d be right.

Sure, there are plenty of relationships where one partner gets their jollies solely from giving pleasure, and gays are no strangers to such partnerships. For example, certain kinksters in dom/sub relationships easily get everything they need from a one-sided transaction.

But if that expectation isn’t agreed upon, you might be perceived as a lazy partner, even if you feel like you’re just vibing.

How do people become pillow princes?

You’ll never get crowned as an official pillow prince (well, not with the traditional kind of scepter, anyway). That habit doesn’t form overnight.

People aren't born into this kind of royalty — it's usually a symptom of other things, including:

  • A past relationship where their partner’s preference was to service them
  • Fear of exploring their sexuality or taking charge during sex
  • A lack of experience
  • Sexual trauma

So, if you are worried about your performance (or lack thereof) in the sack, don’t be too hard on yourself. If you wish to, you can tackle your inner semen demons and participate more in sex.

What about boundaries?

There’s a very valid argument about pillow princesses and princes: They’re doing exactly what they’re comfortable with and nothing more. You can’t really argue with this take, nor should you. You never know what someone’s going through. 

But there’s a big difference between enacting healthy boundaries and being a pillow prince. Pillow princes are passive simply because it’s easier. It might not even play into the sexual chemistry with their partner. They’d much rather zone out on their phones and be on the receiving end of whatever’s cumming their way.

Still, let’s make it nice and clear: Having preferences is healthy and just. Being a self-proclaimed pillow prince is perfectly acceptable if you feel that’s your destiny. Just ensure it’s compatible with your partner’s wishes, or it could be a contentious issue in your relationship.

{{video-inline-cta}}

The origins of the pillow princess and prince

This phrase has been circulating the LGBTQ community for decades now, starting in the ’90s as a catch-all term for the femme in a butch-femme relationship. 

Eventually, the meaning grew to encompass other letters of the galphabet, including gay men and queers who just want to orgasm and get some shut-eye. But once you look through the Urban Dictionary definitions, you start to better understand how people in our community really perceive the intercourse aristocracy.

Definitions vary from fond to teasing to downright bitter. So, what does this mean for your laissez-faire approach to bedroom antics? That depends on the other person in the equation. If they're perfectly pleased with focusing on your pleasure above all else, then God Save the Queen. Otherwise, it might be time to rethink your lazy bedside manner.

Identifying a potential pillow prince

What’s a pillow princess or prince look like out in the wild? These individuals share some specific traits; if your partner possesses any of them, it doesn’t necessarily damn them to dukedom. But if the glass slipper fits…

Head honcho

It’s time for sex, and you know what that means for the pillow prince? Lie down, receive blowjob, orgasm, and profit. Sounds like a great deal, doesn’t it? It’s not always indicative of princely behavior, but if there’s little to no reciprocation every time oral is on the menu, it’s certainly a sign. 

This isn’t exclusive to oral sex either; any instance where you just sort of lie about and let the sex happen around you (or in you) isn’t going to be well-received by some partners — especially if it becomes a habit.

Man on a missionary

Do you know what sex positions a pillow prince likes? The ones they can easily fall asleep in. And hey, sometimes the idea of exerting too much energy can keep you from having sex altogether, so compromising to doggy style might be the play.

But it shouldn’t always be that way. Nothing kills a sexual relationship like stagnation. So, if this sounds like you, it probably wouldn't hurt to switch things up and even the playing field.

Comfort is king

Sex should be comfortable in the sense that you feel safe. But collaborative sex often means putting in some extra effort, so you might have to sacrifice your comfort temporarily for someone else’s pleasure. 

A pillow prince couldn’t imagine doing anything of the sort. The moment something challenges their princely reign, the chapel bells sound the alarm, and the knights take their defensive positions  — at least until you’ve moved your arm or whatever. Great, now could you move your head? You’re blocking the TV.

Lip service (but not that kind)

It’s called show and tell for a reason — you’re supposed to do both. Career pillow princes can pull off some sexy sleight of hand in the form of dirty talk. After all, why would you stop if you’re railing someone and they keep moaning about how good it feels? It sounds kinda hot — and it can be — but it can also be a way to avoid giving head.

Hear ye, hear ye!

It's 2024; You don't need a town crier to tell you how many men your milkshake bringeth to yonder courtyard. But you know what you could use? The best gay dating and hookup app around — Grindr. There’s no better way to meet local pillow princes or penetrative peasants who are just as excited to meet you.

Get the Grindr app and get started today.

Share this article

Find & Meet Yours

Get 0 feet away from the queer world around you.
Thank you! Your phone number has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.
We’ll text you a link to download the app for free.
Table of Contents
Share this article
“A great way to meet up and make new friends.”
- Google Play Store review
Thank you! Your phone number has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.
We’ll text you a link to download the app for free.
“A great way to meet up and make new friends.”
- Google Play Store review
Discover, navigate, and get zero feet away from the queer world around you.
Already have an account? Login

Browse bigger, chat faster.

Find friends, dates, hookups, and more

Featured articles

Related articles

Find & Meet Yours

4.6 · 259.4k Raiting