How to Talk Dirty: An Expert Guide
Talking dirty is a thrilling way to enhance your sexual connection with your partner. But if you're fumbling up your tongue tango, it can quickly deflate the mood (not to mention other things).
The good news? Just like a show-stopping broadway belt, talking dirty takes rehearsals before hitting the stage. With a bit of practice, you’ll be a wordsmith of sexy talk that will drive your partner wild.
Why do we talk dirty?
Dirty talk isn't just delivering a monologue so heinous it would make a sailor jealous; it's about tapping into your imagination to build-up sexual tension. Whether you're engaging in verbal foreplay before a hookup or uttering passionate prose to your one-night-turned-Mr. Right, fervent communication can be a massive turn-on for everyone.
Here's why confidence in how to dirty talk can be a game-changer:
- Enhances intimacy: Sharing your deepest desires fosters trust and deepens connections within sex lives.
- Keeps things fresh: Dirty talk adds excitement and build-up to the bedroom, making each climax a new adventure.
- Boosts arousal: As a form of foreplay, dirty talk gets you both mentally and physically prepared, leading to more intense orgasms.
How to dirty talk naturally
Whether you’re role-playing or just adding color commentary to your sex life, dirty talk is a kind of performance. Don’t beat yourself up if you get stage fright. Even a master of analingus can get tongue-tied when trying to emulate the lines of his favorite porn star.
Want to chat dirty without fumbling a clichéd catchphrase? Here's how:
Find your style
You can take inspiration from porn or movies, but be sure to give it your own twist. Think about what turns you on and create a list of words, scenarios, or fantasies that arouse you. Then place your personal touch, including moans, groans, and the ubiquitous "YEAH?! YEAH!!" exchange to make your sexual talk genuinely resonate.
Describe what you want to do to your partner and where on their body. Paint a verbal picture that engages their imagination. For example, whisper that you want to gently kiss their neck or growl about giving them a vigorous pounding. Make it detailed, succulent, and explicit.
Get kinky with it
Do you kiss your daddy with that mouth? Uhyes, sir!
Talk about the sexual fantasies that turn you on. Tease your boo with naughty thoughts and even discuss playful punishments. Who knows? Maybe you’ll discover a mutual kink that spices up your sex life. Consensual spanking and light bondage can add an intense edge to your sexual talk.
Dirty talk doesn't have to be serious. As hot as letting someone in on your dirty secrets is, laughter and playfulness can be just as sexy. So relax, enjoy the moment, and let the words (or laughs) flow naturally.
Dirty talk examples
Here are some examples of sentences and phrases for beginners to give you ideas:
- "I love the feeling of your balls slapping against my ass."
- "I'm going to run my hands all over your body until you're begging me to fuck you again."
- "Gonna leave that ass of yours red."
- "My tongue wants to know every inch of you."
- "Bend me over and make me your bitch?"
Dirty talk don'ts
Watch out for these rookie mistakes while dirty talking so you don't accidentally kill the mood:
Don't use cheesy or overused lines
Be original. Canned porn lines like "Who's your daddy?" are equally likely to induce eye-rolls as they are arousal.
The same goes for movie quotes. Imagine two guys getting hot and heavy, and one suddenly blurts out, "Can you feel my Kenergy?" in a thick deep bro-ccent. Unless he has insane goofball rizz, it might not land right.
Don't be demeaning (without consent)
Name-calling and humiliation should only be done if you know your partner is into it. So it's better to play it safe until you establish boundaries.
For example, you might call your partner a "dirty bitch boy" in the heat of the moment, thinking it's sexy. But if your partner isn't into that kind of talk, it could shatter the mood. Always communicate openly about what words and phrases are strictly off-limits.
Don't be vague
Specificity is what makes dirty talk effective. Don't just say, "I want you." Say exactly how and where. Channel your inner Wilde and get literary with it!
Don't be clinical
Using anatomical terms for body parts might work for...doctors, but cold, clinical language often undercuts the passion of the moment.
Imagine saying, "I want to stimulate your mammary glands with my oral cavity." It's accurate—but far from sexy. Instead, try something like, "I want to lick your nipples until you’re leaking precum."
Don't stay silent
It’s just as much work to carry the conversation in the bedroom as it is during a date, so keep the dirty talk flowing before, during, and after sex. Vocalizing your pleasure guides the action, and delivers fantasies straight from your dreams.
How to get comfortable with dirty talk
Dirty talk might seem intimidating the first time you try it, but we’re here to help. Here are a few tips to help you get past the awkwardness:
While you masturbate, try saying your naughty thoughts aloud. If you practice alone what you want to do with a partner (even if in your head), you’ll eventually gain the confidence to share those thoughts during the heat of the moment.
Use masks or blindfolds
The bedroom should always be a judgment-free zone, but that doesn’t make anyone invincible to embarrassment. Hiding you or your partner's face behind a mask may help relieve shyness, or add an air of erotic mystery while dictating exactly what you want each other to do.
Try it over text first
Start flirting via naughty text messages to build confidence. Sexting lets you take the time to figure out your preferred style of sexual talk without the pressure of performing it live.
Next time you have a hookup on the horizon or spend a weekend away from your partner, try building up the anticipation with some titillating texts (and maybe an emoji or two 😈). By the time you meet up, you'll be drowning in the sexual tension.
Agree on a signal
Have a safe word or signal to let your partner know if they say something that makes you uncomfortable. Knowing you can stop at any time—no questions asked—makes trying new things less scary.
Use alcohol cautiously
A shared bottle of wine can lubricate the conversation so you’re loose to share your more niche desires. Just do yourself a favor and cut yourself off before things get sloppy. One or two drinks can help loosen inhibitions. Five or six is a recipe for disaster.
Dirty talk doesn't have to be an elaborate production. Begin with simple phrases like "You're so sexy." You can gradually introduce more explicit language as you gain confidence and figure out what you like.
Laugh off mistakes
Accidents happen, especially when you're exploring new territory. Embracing imperfection makes the experience more genuine and enjoyable.
If you stumble over your words or say something that doesn't quite make sense, laugh it off. A slip of the tongue that leads to laughter might bring on a different form of satisfaction.
Practice makes perfect
Dirty talk is an art that requires practice, especially if you're naturally shy. But the rewards of learning how to talk dirty are well worth the effort. Remember, if you're starting out talking dirty:
- Be playful: It's sex. Don't take it too seriously and have some fun. Let the words flow naturally.
- Be patient: Like any skill, a dirty talk expert is seldom born but often made. Give yourself time to get comfortable vocalizing desires.
- Explore fantasies: Before long, you'll master the art of sexual talk. And with that? Comes comfort. Now what's that one kink you've been putting off..?
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