Gay Sex Ed: Gift Guide
As a festive Mariah Carey declared atop a Peloton the minute the thermostat went below 50 degrees, the holidays are officially upon us. A time where dark nights are illuminated by Christmas lights, our homes are decorated with wreaths and tinsel, and the coziness of cuffing season proves gays can commit, at least until warmer weather returns.
By now you’ve already seen holiday shopping guides for “28 Best Xmas Sheets To Give Your Partner” or “16 Candles to Gift Friends,” but have you seen '10 Gifts That Would Make Santa Blush"?
Here are the best sex toys and products that’ll help get you on the naughty list.
Let’s be real: all douche bulbs are the same. Some are big, some are small, some are black, some are gray, and some are misplaced when you need them most. The Du is different in that it’s a “thoughtfully redesigned” douche bulb with features that every bottom worth their weight in douche water will appreciate, like a soft and pliable tip so you don’t accidentally stab your hole (been there), a wide mouth for a quick fill (oh, honey!), and an air/water valve to prevent back-flow so you don’t have to remove and reinsert between refills. Finally: a douche designed by bottoms, for bottoms.
If you’re a little bougie when it comes to your booty (and why shouldn’t you be?), you’re going to love the Hot Lava Masque by Studioready. This astringent masque uses glamorous ingredients like white willow bark and finely milled volcanic rock (seriously) to brighten your bum’s skin and minimize blemishes. It’s essentially a 30-minute butt facial, but also like, such a cute way to bond with a partner. One gets their butt rubbed, the other gets to play with a butt. Or you each do both. Throw on some Netflix and a bottle of wine and that’s date night.
Sometimes your butt is a little sore after a good romp. It’s not excruciating, but feels like the dull rawness of an overworked muscle. Well, there’s a balm for that. Made with high quality ingredients like jojoba oil, papaya seed extract and CBD, Everywhere Balm works to soothe muscles, release tension, calm inflammation and moisturize where it’s applied. As the name suggests, the balm is not only limited to your hole, but this is a Grindr gift guide, after all, and we know where it’s most useful.
The reality is that most lubes get sticky after a while and it can feel a little…gross. Due to its high quality and long-lasting silicone formula blended with vitamin E, Uberlube never gets to that point and actually moisturizes the skin. It’s so luxurious that it even comes in a glass bottle (ou la la). The brand insists their product isn’t just for sex, and recommends athletes use it to avoid chafing, as haircare to avoid frizz, and as a sensual massage oil. I kid you not, a man I was having sex with once pointed out how great the brand was and complimented me on my selection. We love a man with taste.
Tap water, arguably the most common and convenient solution for douching, isn’t ideal because it flushes both the good and bad bacteria out, disrupting the area’s microbiome, which can lead to a host of intestinal issues. Future Method, a wellness booty brand co-founded by anal surgeon Dr. Evan Goldstein, has released a PH-balanced isotonic solution created specifically for douching, which moisturizes your rectum while it cleans and keeps your microbiome perfectly balanced. The washes come in packs of two, six and twelve and are also available as quick dissolve powder packs.
Bottoming is no easy feat, and too many people have had uncomfortable and painful experiences as a result of inexperience or an overly aggressive top. Something everyone should do whether you’re a beginner, or a little out of practice, is train your anus like you do other muscles in your body. bVibe just so happens to have a kit designed for this exact purpose, complete with a small butt plug, a medium-sized vibrating butt plug, a large weighted butt plug and other useful accessories. The kit is not only ideal for training, but also allows you to explore different sensations. Anybody, no matter your experience level, would benefit from this set.
If you find bottoming uncomfortable, CBD melts could be an effective solution for you. These rocket-shaped casts of CBD and cocoa butter are designed to enhance penetration, ease discomfort and increase relaxation, making for a more pleasurable sexual experience. These should be used roughly 30 minutes prior to intercourse so they have time to melt and absorb. They can also be inserted after sex to soothe soreness or muscle fatigue. Each package contains four suppositories, each delivering 50 mg of organic CBD. Speaking personally, these things work and after they’ve absorbed your butt will have the munchies and be hungrier than ever.
If there is one toy I will defend to the end, it is the Manta. This odd-looking toy is one of the more versatile sex toys on the market, excellent for both solo and partnered play. When worn at the base, the Manta turns your penis into a vibrator, and is fantastic for edging when placed just under the head (highly recommend). It’s even handy when giving a blowjob, as it simulates the sensations of deepthroating courtesy of its intense vibrations. If you’re sick of strokers and looking for something different, you will not be disappointed with the Manta. It will change the way you masturbate.
Sometimes douche bulbs or showers aren’t easy to come by. Water bottles, on the other hand, often are. That’s what makes this douche adaptor kit so brilliant. I’ve personally found it great for camping and, another bonus: it won’t raise suspicion at the airport. While this product is probably considered less luxe than the others, it had to be included on the list for its convenience and simplicity—think of it more as a stocking stuffer.
There is no prostate massager quite like the LOKI Wave, which pairs its powerful, dual-motor vibration with a unique “come hither” motion, where one tip stimulates the prostate from the inside, and the other from the outside. It’s a fantastic toy to play with on your own, but I also recommend wearing the LOKI Wave while topping. The toy naturally comes in contact with your prostate as you thrust and the resulting sensation is so intense your knees will buckle. So prepare for impact when you climax, this is a warning.