Assumptions get us into trouble, especially regarding love and desire. Our preconceived notions about gender and sexuality can lead to misunderstandings and hurt, even with the best intentions. Two voices are here to help us see things differently.

First, there's Madison Werner, a trans woman and advocate who understands the unique landscape trans women face when dating—both on and off the apps. Madison's advice includes the subtle ways internalized homophobia and transphobia can rear their ugly heads and sheds light on how to better create spaces for understanding.

Then, there's Seven Graham: transmasculine, a therapist, and a comedian who helps challenge the stereotypes some might have about sex & dating on apps like Grindr. For him, it's about unlocking desire and embracing the hard-won authenticity that came with overcoming addiction and discovering his intersex identity. 

Together, Madison and Seven offer tips based on first-hand experience that provide a kind of roadmap for others who might be navigating the complicated world of dating as a trans person. Read on for their unfiltered takes on love, desire, and all the messy, beautiful things that can come with trans dating.

Madison's Insights

Sexual Orientation and Responsibility

Not entirely sure about your sexual orientation or how you identify? Don’t make that her responsibility. Due to societal pressures and expectations, when cisgender straight men are attracted to trans women, they often worry whether they’re gay or if their guy friends will emasculate them. The pressure to conform can lead him to keep his trans girlfriend a secret, avoid commitment, and unfairly blame her for his own insecurities. It’s where homophobia and transphobia intersect: fear of being gay and fear of attraction toward trans people. Trans women experience enough difficulty every day; having confidence in your sexuality takes the pressure off of her journey toward love.

Physical Safety

Be mindful of her physical safety in the spaces you bring her into. Your friends, family, or coworkers may be gay-friendly, but being trans-friendly requires a different level of understanding. Trans women are often hyper-aware of new surroundings due to safety concerns. If you want to be her partner, developing this awareness is helpful, too. Have the necessary, private conversations with people in your life before she meets them.

Respect and Understanding

While it’s important you’re aware of her trans identity, don’t immediately ask questions about her gender transition. Talk to her like any other girl you’re attracted to: one step at a time and with respect. Gender transitions are as personal as it gets, so let a trans girl tell you about it when she’s ready to or when your relationship emotionally deepens. There are many things to know about her personality, not just her transness. If you're seeking knowledge about gender transitions in general, a quick Google search will do the trick.

Communication in Intimacy

Some transfeminine people experience gender dysphoria (a mismatch between their gender identity and their body), which can impact their sexual experiences. Let your trans partner communicate about it if she feels the need to. Just like cis people have turn-ons and turn-offs during sex, trans people may have them about their trans bodies. Hold space for it.

Celebrating Transness

Make it clear, via affirmations and actions, that her transness is not a burden; it’s worth celebrating and just makes her even more beautiful. Her identity is a reflection of her authenticity and closeness with herself—qualities that should be cherished in any person regardless of gender identity.

Seven’s Insights

Communication is Key

Since starting my transmasculine journey with testosterone shots in 2018, my libido has been freed from the fear and shame that used to hold it back. Now, Grindr is my go-to app when I'm feeling horny and looking for some fun with like-minded people (although I’m still looking for a “Classy Orgy”). Discuss feelings, concerns, and expectations openly. Good communication helps build a safe, strong foundation. I say it like it is: Deal or no Deal!

Educate Yourself

It’s not trans and intersex peoples’ job to educate you. Learn about trans and intersex issues, terminology, and experiences to understand your potential partner's perspective better. Accept that some trans people don’t want to play with cis people, even if you are gorgeous and God’s Gift—T4T means trans for trans. Furthermore, trans people come in many genders. “Trans” just means a person whose gender does not correspond with the sex registered at birth. 

Respect and Learn About Trans Peoples’ Experiences

To overcome my addictions in rehab in 2001, I learned that I had to get really honest about who I am to overcome the huge shame that drove my alcohol and drug use. In my teens and 20s, I couldn’t flirt or have sex without being super high.

Most LGBTQIA+ folks have some degree of shame from growing up “different,” but I was born intersex: biologically a mix of both the two common sexes. I’d been AFAB (assigned female at birth) because I had a vagina (I still do—I call it manpussy, or front hole, now), but I never felt female. Unbeknownst to me or my parents, I have XY chromosomes and was born with internal testes (stolen from me by doctors to fit me in the female binary box).

My experience makes me uniquely me, giving me a lifetime of stories that at least make for good stand-up material. But along the way, I've realized that my struggles are just one tiny piece of a much bigger picture. That's why it's important to listen to and respect the experiences of the trans community.

Photos

Just because you are comfortable sending intimate photos doesn’t mean everyone else is. For example, as an intersex person, I never send my genitals in a picture because they would be sold to a porn site. 

In 2018, I decided to ditch the estrogen my doctors put me on at age 12 and try testosterone shots (t-shots). I soon grew facial hair, and my “large clitoris” became a dick. It’s still growing “like Jack’s fucking beanstalk.” So now I have something for everyone. But to see them is real-world only. We intersex didn’t have a choice over who saw us as kids, and it’s an important boundary to respect—my genitals are my genitals, not for those on the grid. And that’s my choice. Your dick may be a handsome specimen, but that doesn’t make it front-page news—or appropriate to send without consent.

Be Patient

Understand that the process of self-discovery, acceptance and trust can take time. If you are FWB or getting into a relationship with a trans partner, be patient and supportive throughout their journey. Meet them where they are at, and if you’re lucky, they’ll meet you right where you’re at, too.

About the Authors

Madison hails from Calabasas, CA and came out as transgender in November 2015. She's now a trans rights advocate, writer and self-proclaimed "trans glam girl." She uses her social media to cultivate a safe place for queers and allies to learn about the trans experience. You can follow her on Instagram here.

‍Seven Graham is an LA-based UK-qualified addictions therapist & creativity coach who helps Hollywood tell intersex and trans stories. You can find everything you want to know about Seven here.

“I've been obsessed with Lexapro," LA-based singer-songwriter JORDY confesses with a cheeky grin, sidestepping the expected glitz of pop star polish. That’s because JORDY's beat is relentlessly catchy sugar-spun pop songs, not the blasé honesty that reveals the messy reality beneath your typical boilerplate poptimism.

Cue the shock of JORDY’s new single, "SECOND MINUTE HOUR," a shamelessly horny, queer powerhouse anthem that feels like it flirts with you, buys you a drink, and leaves its number on your phone—all in the span of two minutes and fifty-four seconds.

When I sat down with JORDY to talk about it all, I was a little thrown. You wouldn’t think the single carries the scars of a hard year, but it does. 2023 wasn’t kind to him. The grind wore him thin. But following an unexpected split from his label in August, an event that might have derailed many artists, Jordy found a path forward.

That determination manifests in “SECOND MINUTE HOUR.” It bursts open with a pulsing rhythm and lyrics detailing a ferocious one-night fuck. JORDY's traded lovelorn serenades for bedroom bravado, practically winking through the speakers— it’s unashamed, explicit, and at odds with the sweet tunes that put him on the map. There’s galloping bass lines, throbbing synths, and thumping 808s—the sounds de jour of a club banger turgid with raw energy—this is body music in the literal sense.

Lines like "Got me rolling back my eyes like it's a superpower / You can have me if you wanna stay another second minute hour" leave little room for interpretation. No subtle innuendos here. This is about making every second count, leaving you breathless—and maybe just a little sore.

The following is an interview with JORDY, where he sat down with Grindr to discuss "SECOND MINUTE HOUR.” This interview has been edited for clarity.

“SECOND MINUTE HOUR” has been a pretty big change for you compared to the rest of your discography. How did releasing something so—for lack of a better word—horny come to be?

My music has grown as I have, and I feel like in the past year, all my music has been completely honest and authentic. And, of course, like on these past two records, I have definitely toyed with hookup culture and had definitely written about that stuff, but when I went into the studio, I was kind of like, “I want to make like a sexy bop.” I want this to specifically be this new age, new era, sex positive anthem that feels real to me. And yeah, we were listening to some stuff and we just started producing it out. And that's how the song was born. It came out of a specific place of, “I want to be sexual, and I want it to be like a new vibe for me.”

Your label dropped you in 2023. This could wreck a lot of up-and-coming artists. How did you come to write something so liberating despite that?

It's weird how things are always happening simultaneously. It feels like if you're going through something, there's a bunch of other shit happening to you behind that. When I was getting dropped, I just felt like I knew it was coming, and creatively I was like, fuck, I feel so uninspired. But when the papers were finally signed, I suddenly got this surge of inspo and creativity and like, was just writing so much. When I wrote “SECOND MINUTE HOUR”, it was kind of just about having fun with it and not taking it too seriously. And I love taking music fucking seriously. But to go in and kind of just be like, “I want to make something sexy, something fun” and just say weird shit, it’s so much less pressure. It made the process so much fun. So yeah, less pressure. More fun.

For self-promotion, some artists choose being an enigma over being an open book. The way you engage with fans feels really authentic. It’s less parasocial, more conversational. Why?

You know, I've never been this really mysterious person. I've been just really upfront and I don't really like to hide things. I think that worked to my advantage. I'm always gonna let people in and when there's new things to share, it makes it that much more exciting, you know? All these apps exist to share parts of ourselves. And yeah, I definitely lean into that for sure. I love creating those relationships. I feel that's why we do it.

Off of that, what’s the most unexpected following you’ve received while promoting “SECOND MINUTE HOUR”?

On TikTok, there was a shit ton of comments from the “BookTok” community, which was very random, but there was this viral comment that was like, “Is BookTok here yet or am I just early?” And there's just thousands of comments of girls being “BookTok girl here! Present!” And I guess it’s just like, “Oh, book girls who are into reading smut and horny romance books are also kind of into this.” I've never had the BookTok world before. I'm confused but also excited by that because it's a new market, a new niche. And I think it's just girls who like, are horny who love reading horny books.

I think everyone can attest to how much social media can dictate your good or bad you feel on a daily basis. If something doesn’t do well, it ruins your day. If something does, you’re on a high. But this is part of your job. How do you handle it?

I've been doing therapy twice a week and lately, I've been obsessed with Lexapro, like really vibing with Lexapro. My mood has been so much better. Yeah, the end of last year… I just was unwell, just because I think it was a little aftermath of getting dropped and shit but also, the end of the year is always hard for everyone. But it also reached a point where I was like, I need to take a step back. I think sometimes there's a lot of pressure to stay active because people will forget about you. And for me, I was like, I definitely feel that anxiety, but I need to take a step back, and I really didn't post much at all on social media for a couple of months. But also, what’s been happening with teasing “SECOND MINUTE HOUR” on social media has been really great, it really has been. So, it's really just about balance, I think. It's tough. It's everywhere. It's hard to avoid.

What does taking a step back look like for you?

I love cooking. I love making food and exploring places to eat in LA just because there’s so much good food—having friends who are down to drive for, like, hours to get dim sum somewhere like San Bernadino Valley. Also, I started reading again. I was an English major in college, so I’ve always loved it. Recently, I was like, let’s go to a bookstore and just like, look around. That’s one little thing I get to celebrate. I feel like I’m on my own time.

Watch the video for “SECOND MINUTE HOUR” below.

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So you think you might be the asshole? Maybe. Let’s chat. Enter our latest brainchild, the podcast that's here to dissect your worst (or maybe best?) impulses: Who’s The Asshole?, hosted by none other than Katya Zamolodchikova. And yeah, we're going there—everywhere, and nothing’s off-limits. We’re into sugar daddies, not into sugar-coating—so we’ll be serving up  the truth, the hole truth, and nothing butt the truth.

Alright, So What’s it About?

Ever open the door to a Grindr hookup expecting Mr. Right Now only to find Mr. Way Back When looking nothing like his 10-year-old flip phone pics? Did you send him packing? Or just shut the door with a “thanks, but no throwbacks?” Or maybe you blocked someone after they sent you a dick pic and then questioned yourself. Was it not artful enough? Were you looking for a few more inches? Or maybe you just wanted more woah, less oh.

In any case, at some point, you’ve probably asked yourself, "Was I the asshole?" Well, guess what? You're not the only one. Quick hookups, quicker ghostings—it can all get a bit messy, and sometimes it’s easy to forget there’s a real person on the other side of the screen. But also, when red flags pop up… sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, even if it leaves you wondering: “Am I the asshole?’

Those moments of self-reflection? Those gray areas where you’re not sure who shat the etiquette bed? That’s what we’re exploring with Who’s the Asshole? We dive deep—yes, that deep—into the messiest, juiciest stories of sex & dating we could get our grubby paws on. The conversations we’re having are raw, unfiltered, uncut, and everything in between—all in the spirit of better understanding each other without judgment. With a guest lineup of some of our favorite LGBTQ+ icons, Who’s the Asshole? is the podcast your dirty little ears didn’t know they needed.

But on the pod, you’re not just the listener, you’re also part of the fun. We set up a Grindr Voicemail (it may or may not be (510) ASS-HOLE…) and asked our users to send in their un-hole-iest stories for Katya and our guests to have their way with. Each episode, we pick our favorite stories and unpack them with a mix of sass, class, and a little bit of ass, showing that no story is too scandalous to share. You dialed in so we could dish out, and for that, we salute you.

Here’s Our Hole Lineup

• Orville Peck, the masked marvel of country music, opens up about the high notes and low blows of airport breakups. Grab your tissues and cowboy boots, y’all—it’s a tearjerker with twang.
• Jordan Firstman, writer/actor, film producer, and prophet of penis positivity, is here to preach the good word: every shape, every size, gets a gold star. Get ready to celebrate dick diversity.
• Trace Lysette, actress and producer goddess, dives into the mystery of why straight guys can't resist the Grindr glow.
• Saucy Santana, one of rap's fiercest forces, dishes on his heaux tales and how he has navigated homophobia in hip-hop.

Why Katya?

Why Katya? Babe, who else has the guts to get into your guts?

He's equal parts therapist, confessor, and anal-yst on all things sex and dating, always ready to skirt the fine line between being assertive and just being, well, an asshole.

When Grindr threw out the idea of getting down, Katya was already there, toolkit in hand—think enemas, poppers, and an unshakable spirit. Fearless, fucking hilarious, and ready to get into it.

He's all of us—just way funnier, so he was the obvious choice.

This Isn't Just Another Podcast (Well, it is, but you get the point)

Who’s The Asshole? is basically your new bible on navigating gay mess. We’re heading fist-first into the kind of stories that make prudes clutch their pearls. We’ve all had those nights where we’re either the star or the asshole (sometimes both), and it’s rarely pretty—but always enlightening (no, we’re not talking about anal bleaching).

So come on in, our holes have been expecting you.

The first episode of ‘Grindr Presents: Who’s the Asshole?’ premieres on February 15, 2024, and can be viewed on YouTube and streamed wherever you get your podcasts.

Every year, we compile anonymous aggregated data from our global user base and survey our community on an array of pop culture topics and trends for our annual Grindr Unwrapped report. The result is a fun, flirty, and informal snapshot of what our users loved for themselves and for the culture in the past year.

2023 was a BIG year for Grindr users, and there’s  plenty to be unwrapped—with more than 100 billion chats, 13 billion taps, and 1 billion private albums sent, our community definitely got busy. In addition to anonymous activity data from our 13 million monthly users, we surveyed more than 10,000 users on their top pop culture moments of 2023—from the ultimate gay gasp to the biggest babygirl. The resulting report provides a deeper look into global activity trends and spills all the tea on the year’s pop culture highlights. 

Some notable 2023 stats include: 

• Most Active Day/Time: Sunday at 6pm
• Most Explored City: London, England
• Country with the Highest % of Tops: Trinidad & Tobago
• Highest Percentage Of Feet Lovers: Italy
• Gay Gasp and Best Drag Moment: Troye Sivan’s “One of Your Girls” video
• Top Album and Song Of The Year: Kylie Minogue’s Tension and “Padam Padam” respectively

The queer community has always had its finger on the pulse of pop culture, and it’s always so much fun to see our users’ hot takes on the year via Unwrapped. Curious about which countries have the highest percentage of hung tops, femme bottoms, feet lovers, and more? Check your Grindr inbox or head to https://www.unwrapped.grindr.com/ for the full report. 

And remember, Grindr Unwrapped is not meant as a comprehensive or scientific report on global queer sex & dating behaviors. The anonymous, aggregated data only represents a subsection of our users (not all Grindr users include this information on their profiles), and Grindr itself only represents a subsection of the global queer community. So enjoy the report, don’t take it too seriously, and have a happy new year from all of us at Grindr.

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One year ago this month, Grindr shares debuted on the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE). This was an incredible milestone for a company built by gay people for gay people, and I love how often people remind me about the party Grindr and NYSE threw in front of the exchange—one unlike anything the cradle of capitalism had ever seen before.  

In the year since being public, we’ve delivered continued growth in our monthly active users to 13.5M and stellar financial results, consistently generating higher than expected revenue. We’ve harnessed that growth to fuel the launches of significant app enhancements—an updated home screen, videos in albums, and new chat features (“lost all my chats” is no longer an excuse for not getting back to someone!) are just a few of the ways we improved the Grindr experience for our users. Concurrently, we started to work on features users have been wanting us to build for years, such as improvements in how they indicate their intent in the app, and Teleport, which allows users to show their profile in a city other than where they are at present. We expect these and other features to launch next year. 

We also expanded our impact in making the lives of our community safer and more just, by enabling individuals in the US, Ireland, and Georgia to protect their health by ordering free at-home HIV test kits directly through our app. Since the launch of this initiative in the US, a quarter of a million kits were distributed in the first six months, and a quarter of those went to people who had never tested before. Our vision is to provide this service to all our users around the world.

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This year, a big focus for Grindr’s executive team has been to help build a culture where our employees can continually learn and grow, and unleash their full potential. Our goal is for all our employees to strive to achieve audacious goals through operational excellence. As part of this effort, we’ve been adding some critical talent to our team, with fantastic leadership hires in product, engineering, marketing, finance, and legal. 

As we celebrate the progress we’ve achieved so far, we remain committed to our mission of building the global gayborhood in your pocket. I’m proud of what we’ve achieved this year, but I know there is still a lot to do. 

Looking ahead, we are focused on rolling out initiatives that make it easier and safer for our users to connect however they’d like. Artificial intelligence for recommendations and better matching and specific programs for our users are just a couple of the things we will be investing in as we continue on our path to become the super-app for our community. 

What a year it has been for Grindr. I am looking forward to what lies ahead as we work to make a world where the lives of our global community are free, equal, and just.

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We at Grindr are celebrating the decision by the Japanese Supreme Court to make legal gender recognition for trans people a simpler and more humane process.

Japan long had a requirement that trans people undergo surgical sterilization before they could have access to government-issued identification documents that reflect their gender identity. The court accurately and powerfully characterized this as a “cruel choice between accepting the sterilization surgery that causes intense bodily invasion and giving up important legal benefits of being treated according to their gender identity.” 

Not only did this requirement stand as an arbitrary judgement about trans people’s ability to be parents, it is also widely considered to be a form of torture. In April of 2017, the European Court of Human Rights ruled that such a requirement was a serious infringement of human rights, and we are thankful the Japanese courts have now followed suit.

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Of course, there are many further steps to guarantee the full rights of trans and all LGBTQ people in the country. The Supreme Court did not rule, for example, on requirements that trans people undergo transition-related surgeries before the government will recognize their gender. This is a problem not only because many trans people are unable to access such surgeries, but also because many do not want them. The country also continues to require that trans people seeking legal gender recognition be unmarried and not have children under eighteen years old, all of which must eventually be reformed. Finally, Japan remains the only G7 country without marriage equality.

Still, this represents an enormous step forward for the LGBTQ legal environment in Japan, and for human rights broadly. This is only the twelfth time the Supreme Court has handed down a judgment that a law was unconstitutional since the establishment of the system in 1947. Personally, as someone who has been engaged with the Japanese queer movement for many years, I am filled with hope to see this development and am looking forward to more successes from Japanese activists in the coming years.

We at Grindr applaud the decision handed down by the Supreme Court last week that decriminalizes consensual sex between men in the country of Mauritius. We are grateful to the Mauritian activists and lawyers who have worked so hard to achieve this powerful victory.

The stakes of decriminalization are high, because authoritarian laws that reject our right to exist push gay people into the shadows, force us to live in fear, and prevent us from making full contributions to the world. This is true regardless of whether the government actively enforces laws that criminalize consensual sex between men and makes arrests, or not. 

The threat of turning our community members over to the police can keep us from achieving our full potential in life, even when that threat could be empty. It gives the people around us something they can use against us if we’re ever in serious competition with them or if we disagree. Merely having a law on the books that says we are illegal–simply because of who we are and who we love–sends the message to our young people that they are sick, their futures will not be bright, and they should not value their own lives.

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For these reasons, overturning laws that criminalize being LGBTQ in the sixty-five countries that make it illegal is a key priority for Grindr for Equality (G4E). 

This past summer, Grindr for Equality team members visited Mauritius to participate in the Pan-Africa ILGA conference. We had the opportunity to experience the country and get to know the Mauritian activists who have made this momentous change possible. The time we spent there only increases our excitement at the news and invigorates the congratulations we send to the entire country. 

We at Grindr will continue to support activists around the world in their efforts to achieve similarly positive outcomes, even in the places where it can feel impossible. Our community has shown itself to be powerful. We will make it happen, and we at Grindr are so proud to be one of many institutions pushing us in that direction.

Róisín Murphy's stunning new album begins with a statement of intent: "I feel my story's still untold, but I'll make my own happy ending." Over the next 54 minutes, the Irish singer-songwriter and self-described "disco dolly" – one with a difference, which we'll get to later – earns that happy ending time and time again. Gliding from percolating electro ("Simulation") to sumptuous disco ("Something More"), and banging acid house ("We Got Together") to full-on Studio 54 glitz ("Narcissus"), Róisín Machine is surely the dance album of the year.

"The album is called that because I am a machine — I just keep creating”

Murphy says when I call her in Ibiza, where she’s taking a late-summer working vacation which yields an awesome lockdown performance. "And it rhymes a bit with Róisín, so hopefully people can really get their heads around saying my name correctly!" (For the record, it's pronounced "Ro-sheen.")

Murphy has often been branded “underrated” – a term she doesn’t much like – but it’s probably more accurate to call her “the connoisseur’s dance diva.” Since she broke through in the mid-’90s as one half of eccentric electronic duo Moloko, she’s become known for making fabulous, adventurous, and sometimes challenging music that makes you want to move. At times, that music has fully crossed over into the mainstream: an Ibiza-flavored remix of Moloko's "Sing It Back" topped the Billboard Hot Dance Club Play chart in 1999, and remains one of the most recognizable club hits of its era.

Along the way, she’s also mastered the visual side of divadom.

The cover of her second solo album, 2007’s Overpowered, shows her wearing a conceptual runway outfit in a London “greasy spoon” café – the British equivalent of a diner. The album, one of the best dance-pop collections of its decade, sold respectably in the U.K. and Ireland but didn't make Murphy a household name. When I interviewed her for a British newspaper two years ago, Murphy recalled wryly: “I got reviews saying, ‘Why’s she not a pop star? Well, look at the sleeve, she’s a freak!’ Then six months later you’ve got Lady Gaga wearing exactly the same fucking outfit.”

Still, Murphy’s fanbase has remained loyal ever since Overpowered and quite rightly includes a large LGBTQ contingent. "To me, Róisín Murphy is an icon and a legend and just incredibly talented," RuPaul's Drag Race alum Detox told music magazine NME earlier this year. Indeed, in a recent interview with The Irish Times, Murphy acknowledged her deep-rooted queer appeal by saying quite brilliantly:

"If I want to be famous, I can just go to a gay club."

Of course, Murphy is no fame-seeking stage school kid. Her family moved from a small town in Ireland to Manchester – the U.K.'s third largest city, and buzziest next to London – when she was 12 years old. Three years later, her parents divorced and returned to Ireland, but Murphy decided to stay in the north of England by herself. Over the next few years, she found her calling in life – music – by frequenting nightclubs in Manchester and neighboring city Sheffield.

Today, she speaks almost evangelically about her first trip to Trade, a highly influential London gay club that opened in 1990. “I went to Trade when I was 16 – I made the journey down to London and queued three times round the block because I kept getting turned down. I couldn’t get in because I was too young,” she recalls. “Eventually they just gave up and let us in. I remember going up on the fucking balcony and looking down at all the lads in their Calvin Klein underpants just squashed into every bit of space. There were lasers pinging around everywhere, and I remember saying to my friend: ‘I’ve fucking come home here. This is Babylon. I love this wee place!”

On this magical-sounding night, Murphy says she and her friend were “looked after by drag queens” and ended up dancing “till nine in the morning without any drugs or anything – at the time, that wouldn’t have crossed my mind.” Back in Sheffield, Murphy immersed herself in a club scene that was “very mixed in terms of race and sexuality" and “had a real family feel to it.” A few years later, she met musician Mark Brydon, who would become her Moloko bandmate as well as her romantic partner. The chat-up line Murphy used on Brydon at a party – “Do you like my tight sweater? See how it fits my body!" – is preserved forever in the title of Moloko’s 1995 debut album, Do You Like My Tight Sweater?

During this formative period she also met her longtime collaborator Richard Barratt, a.k.a. DJ Parrot, who co-wrote and produced all of Róisín Machine.  

“I was always brought up in dance music to know that it came from gay culture,” she says today. “You know, it was not a big surprise to find that out because I knew it from the very beginning. That was where the best parties were, the best music, the best drugs, and the best craic. You know?”

Moloko's career trajectory spiked in 1999 when DJ Boris Duglosch's remix of "Sing It Back" gave them their first huge mainstream hit in the U.K. and Ireland. A year later, they scored another big hit with the glistening disco gem "The Time Is Now," which peaked at number two in the U.K. and helped its eclectic parent album Things to Make and Do to go platinum. After that, Moloko would only release one more album, 2003's Statues, which featured lyrics which seemingly documented the breakdown of Murphy and Brydon's personal relationship. "Some days I question the suggestion you might not exist at all," Murphy sings on the mournful title track. "Can we meet and talk it over? Would you be kind enough to call?"

Murphy then launched a fascinating solo career characterized by its unpredictability. She fused jazz with experimental electronica on her debut solo album, 2005's Ruby Blue, before embracing glossy dance-pop on 2007's Overpowered. Prime Murphybangers such as the title track and “Movie Star” still sound tremendous today. Then, having only dropped a few one-off singles during a quieter period where she became a mother, she returned in 2014 with Mi Senti, an EP of classic Italian pop covers. Murphy said at the time that she learned each song phonetically because she didn’t speak “a word of Italian." Soon after came a couple of acclaimed prog-disco albums, 2015’s Hairless Toys and 2016’s Take Her Up to Monto, which cemented her reputation as a true dance music auteur. Róisín Machine, her most immediate collection since Overpowered, feels like a new career peak from an artist who never stops flexing her creative muscles.

For the cover of Take Her Up to Monto, Murphy rocked a hi-vis jacket and hard hat to create a look that could legitimately be branded “construction worker drag.” It wasn't inspired by the Village People, but by Murphy's passion for post-modern architecture and her family background. “The Murphy construction gene is very much part of me,” she says. “I've got plenty of uncles who laid roads and tarmacked people's gardens and all that, you know.” Over the years she’s given us so many distinctive looks – from Overpowered’s offbeat fashionista to Róisín Machine’s punky disco queen – that it’s no surprise she’s often called a drag queen.

"I was told years ago by my gay friends: 'You are a drag queen.' And I remember thinking, ‘What do you mean by that? Am I a masculine woman?' And I was a bit put out by it," she recalls. "But now, I totally embrace it. I'm totally a drag queen and I was born that way. I mean, as a child, I was a total exhibitionist."

Murphy clearly appreciates that drag isn't just about changing the way the world perceives you. "I think the thing that's very misunderstood about exhibitionism is that people think you do it to be looked at," she says. "But you don’t. You do it because of the joy of putting the exhibition together. It's a creative pursuit like making a painting or a piece of music or a film."

When I ask what the most misunderstood thing about Róisín Murphy is, she gives an answer that kind of encapsulates her career to date.  "I learned everything in the real," she says. "I learned to dance on the dance floor – not in front of a mirror. I learned music from DJs and going clubbing from the age of 15. Everything I'm doing is coming from a super-real place, even though I am at the same time a disco dolly.”

By now, Murphy is on a roll. “And you can take me like that,” she continues. “You can put me in there with Kylie and all the other people who are 'saving 2020' and all that. But I'm not like them, and I'm not coming from that same place. I'm not trained – I'm self-made. I think it's because I'm a girl and a singer, but…

“Hopefully the next album will get the message across: that I'm as much like Radiohead as I am Kylie Minogue."

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As we saw in March and have seen repeatedly, Egypt is the single most dangerous country in the world for Grindr users, where the government engages in incomprehensible brutality against LGBTQ people. Thus we applaud Senate Foreign Relations Chair Ben Cardin’s stated intention to hold the Egyptian government accountable for its human rights record.

Although the danger to our community members in Egypt comes from many quarters, much of it is perpetrated by the police. Officers are trained at scale on how to use community spaces, including those online, to catfish; entrap; and ultimately arrest LGBTQ people, simply for being who we are and loving who we love.

We have spent nearly the past decade creating safety features and strategies to mitigate these challenges for users in Egypt and the more than 60 countries where being gay is illegal. In these parts of the world the app doesn’t tell other users a person’s exact distance, users receive a weekly safety reminder in local languages, more screenshot blocking has been put in place, and users have access to additional features like our discrete app icon and unlimited retractable messages. All of this has been developed in consultation with safety-focused technologists and LGBTQ activists working on the ground in these countries.

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We do this work and keep the app turned on in places like Egypt because we believe gay, bi, and trans people there deserve to be able to connect, and they deserve to have the best safety features we can offer while they’re doing so. 

We take our position in the global LGBTQ ecosystem extremely seriously, which is why we created Grindr for Equality over ten years ago–to promote queer safety, health, and human rights around the world. But the LGBTQ movement needs allies in order to achieve the vision of full equality, and the U.S. government should use its considerable influence, as it has before, to advance human rights in this area. We encourage U.S. officials to support Senator Cardin’s demand for “concrete, meaningful, and sustainable steps to improve the human rights conditions in [Egypt],” including to end the widespread police persecution of LGBTQ people.

An estimated 40,000 people took to the streets of SoMa in San Francisco this past Sunday for Folsom Street Fair’s Megahood2021. After last year’s virtual-only event, Folsom was back to in-person festivities—with added COVID safety protocols—and people were eager to make up for lost time. Wearing leather, whips, chains, pup masks, chastity belts, and everything in between (or, in many cases, nothing at all), attendees celebrated queer kink and fetish culture with creativity to spare. We captured some of the magic below—see you next year, Folsom.

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Grindr is a proud presenting sponsor of Folsom Street Fair. #GrindrxFolsom

‍A collection of real-life Grindr experiences told by users in thrilling, sometimes-NSFW detail, to remind you of pre-COVID times. Readers are encouraged to submit their own to [email protected].

SHOOT YOUR SHOT

Since quar I’ve been video chatting a lot and it usually ends up leading to me and the other dude masturbating. It sort of reminds me of Chatroulette in college, which I loved. Anyway, I was talking to this guy and we agreed to video chat and he was super sexy: skinny tight body and big DSL. We talked dirty a bit, he stripped for me and started playing with his hole (impressively pink by the way). So, I whipped my dick out and started jacking it until I was hard, and the way he was fingering his hole, I was super hard. We kept at it a bit and then he brought the phone up to his face and started moaning, “Cum on my face.” And like, that’s hot but I wasn’t real sure if he was serious?

So I was like, “Uh, yeah, hot.”

But I don’t think he liked that because he started getting intense, “Cum on my face!” like woah.

I started getting kind of soft because I can’t cum on his face? And I didn’t know what he wanted so I just said, “I can’t cum on you? What do you want?”

And he told me he wanted me to cum on my iPhone so that it felt like he was getting a facial but this was a new iPhone and I really didn’t like the idea of dealing with Apple Care in a pandemic so I hung up and came all over my chest.

TASK RABBIT

I once broke my guest bedroom lamp and had my mom staying at my place later that night. I wanted to fix the lamp ASAP bc she’d be arriving in 2 hours and she’s particular. I changed my Grindr profile to "who knows how to fix a lamp" got a reply within 30 min asking me what was broken, and had it fixed within an hour. I also got offered to verify if my *electric tension* was working as well... LOL.

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GROUND CONTROL

I was on Grindr while my flight was pre-boarding to Italy and I noticed that one of the super hot jocks in my grid looked like one of the flight hosts. I sent him a tap, but nothing came of it and I fell asleep pretty quickly. Later on in the flight he came around and asked me if I wanted anything to drink and I ordered a ginger ale, when he gave it to me his hand lingered on mine and I felt his finger stroke my palm. I was immediately hard as a rock. I didn’t have Wi-Fi though so I couldn’t check my inbox to see if he’d messaged. I kept trying to get his attention the rest of the flight but it didn’t happen—I was beginning to think I made it up.

Cut to: I got off the flight and got a text from my uncle that he was going to be an hour late so I got on Grindr and check to see if the hot host had messaged me and he had. He’d sent over pics of his uncut cock and asked if I wanted to take it. Well, obviously. I messaged him to see if he had time to kill and he said he’d be wrapped up in a few minutes and that he knew a bathroom that was always empty.

He came around about 20 minutes later and led me to a private bathroom on the first floor. He locked the door and we immediately pounced on each other like fucking ravenous animals. He picked me up and threw me against the wall and I almost screamed because he was shorter than me and I was really surprised he could lift me. After a few minutes he set me down and unbuttoned my pants and started eating my ass, I was in heaven. Then he took his dick out and tried to stick it in, but I was not prepared at all so I got on my knees and started sucking him off, he came pretty quick, all over my face, and I came on the floor right after him—it was a glorious mess. I exited the terminal right as my uncle pulled up.

RUNNING ON EMPTY

I went running through Central Park last week and took a quick break in the ramble to take a call that I’d been waiting on. After the call I noticed this daddy type staring me down. He nodded to some foliage off the path and then grabbed my dick and walked past me into the thicket. I was not sure what to do. On one hand it would make for a great story but on the other hand I had never done anything like this before. But as I was considering it I noticed that I was getting harder and harder by the second. Guess he was deciding this one for us. I walked into the brush and followed the daddy to a small clearing where he proceeded to push me up against this tree and get on his knees and suck me. He was sucking my dick like it was providing oxygen, I’ve never had anyone do it better. I didn’t exchange numbers or anything but now I wish I had because that was the best BJ of my life.

‍SEX + DATINGBLOOP

Gay therapist Matt Dempsey is here to whip your isolation-twisted mind into shape.

As we head into the 3rd, 5th, 8th, whatever week of this pandemic, we thought it wise to take a deep breath and do a serious mental check-in. How are you taking care of yourself during isolation?

We asked our quarantine coach Matt Dempsey to share a few mental health tips with us, and boy did he ever. Watch the video to find out how self-isolation can trigger a funhouse mirror effect, and learn techniques for combating anxieties, insecurities, and vulnerabilities during this unprecedented time.

‍ADVICEBLOOP

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