9 Tips for Friends With Benefits

If you want to get frisky with your friends with benefits, rules and boundaries help everyone have fun without catching feelings.
Editorial team
September 28, 2023
February 29, 2024
min. read
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Friends with benefits relationships have captivated many with their promise of passionate encounters without emotional ties. An oasis of physical pleasure, littered with woes of "catching feelings" and "fucking up the friendship".

In this guide, we’ll explore the allure of FWBs and delve into the golden friends with benefits rules for making it work. When it comes to understanding how to embrace sensual freedom with class and confidence, all while ensuring your heart remains intact, here’s what you need to know.

What does “friends with benefits” mean?

In the enigmatic arena of desire, not every connection requires an enduring bond; sometimes, it's about satisfying primal urges. Visualize a FWB like a workout partner; you both stride in, comprehend the rhythm, and dive straight into the action.

There’s no longing gaze or emotional discussions. It’s about the immediate rush: mutual gratification and that intoxicating release. The best friends with benefits share a primal magnetism and an unbridled enthusiasm paired with the mutual recognition that post-session life resumes its usual course (with maybe a knowing glance exchanged the next time you run into each other).

You don’t have to worry about complicated romantic considerations in a friends with benefits, meaning you can focus entirely on the pleasure. The relationship encapsulates the intensity of a secluded sauna encounter and can span brief, pulse-racing moments or extend into years of sultry rendezvous.

Unlike a hook up, being friends with benefits implies you have a prior platonic relationship. And presumably, you have clothed hangouts with them sometimes, as well.

Your prime choice for a FWB isn't the guy who's heard your deepest confessions or witnessed your most vulnerable moments. Seek out someone whose presence electrifies you, but isn’t the one you envision beside you in your twilight years.

This distinction is crucial; you want unencumbered ecstasy and passionate encounters, all devoid of intricate emotional strings.

Situationship versus friends with benefits

Within the complex landscape of gay relationships lies the concept of a situationship. Defined by its ambiguity, a situationship carries with it an emotional bond that transcends physical desire. The problem is that you haven’t defined just how far that bond goes.

In a situationship, you’re definitely more than just friends. You might go on dates, snuggle up on the couch to watch a movie, or fuck nasty and hard, but you haven’t put a label on things.

A friend with benefits relationship, by contrast, is well-defined. You know exactly where you stand, and that you’re both (presumably) cool with it staying right there. As a rule of thumb, if you haven’t talked about it, it’s probably a situationship.

9 friends-with-benefits rules

1. Pick with purpose

The success of any FWB adventure rests on selecting the right partner. Go for someone who lights up your desires but isn't set to capture your heart.

It could be a guy you once casually dated who's currently navigating his own emotional maze. Maybe it's that stud at the gym—the one with the chiseled pecs who sneaks glances while you work in sets and swap fitness advice.

Your perfect FWB is someone you find deliciously tempting but wouldn't earmark for an emotional odyssey. Think of it like selecting the right playlist for a night of passion—provocative enough to set the pace but devoid of the ballads that evoke deeper emotions.

2. Perform an emotional self-check

Before you plunge into the pool of carnal delights, pause and reflect. Dive deep into your emotional core.

Although the body is easily tantalized, the heart is trickier terrain. Ask yourself, "Am I feeling whole, confident, and grounded right now?" If you're secretly nursing a bruised ego from a recent break-up, feeling a tad needy, or grappling with loneliness, it's probably better to hold off. Dabbling in torrid affairs requires emotional fortitude. 

You don't want to mistake a fleeting touch for a lasting connection. So, ensure your emotional baggage is light and your self-awareness is strong. Only then can you truly savor the joys of a FWB relationship without the risk of hurt feelings.

3. Establish clear boundaries

In the realm of FWBs, crystal-clear communication is crucial. You should unveil your expectations, present your boundaries, and reveal what really makes your senses ignite.

Setting boundaries is like choreographing a tango: defining steps to avoid tripping over unwanted emotions. Discuss the dance moves that are “in” and “out,” ensuring both partners sway in comfort and satisfaction. And don’t be afraid to perform the occasional check-in to ensure everyone is still on the same page.

4. Express only your physical desires

Defining the relationship is an excellent idea. But beyond that, try to keep the emotional dialogue to a minimum.

After establishing your ground rules, keep your mouth closed unless you’re inserting his love stick. Avoid sharing personal details beyond an approving moaning when he hits the right spot. The less you drone on about feelings, dreams, or what shade of curtains would complement your living room walls, the spicier your arrangement stays.

After all, this isn't some sappy, straight romance novel where you whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears under a starlit sky. This is an unadulterated, raucous dance of desire where actions speak louder than words. So, let your desires do the whispering and keep the chit-chat for your next conversation with your mother.

5. Don't skimp on safety

Safe sex is as essential as bringing SPF is to the beach. Ensure protection is non-negotiable and regular health check-ups are part of the routine. This safeguards your sexual health against STIs and demonstrates respect and care for your friend.


6. Expect the fizzle

These encounters might start with an explosive bang, but they often fizzle out on their own. Remember, it's not a relationship; it's a series of passionate moments without a long-term plan. There may come a time when things heat up too much, or one party starts yearning for more than just physical intimacy.

Have a game plan ready—perhaps a code word or sign. When it's time to call it quits, make it clean, swift, and consensual. No drama, no strings—just two men respecting the fiery yet fleeting nature of their connection.

7. No sleepovers!

Casual is the name of the game here, and there’s nothing casual about spending the night together. The “benefit” of a friend with benefits is that things go back to normal after any lewd activities, and lingering around only muddies the waters. Here's why:

  • The cuddle conundrum: Post-intimacy cuddling can be a slippery slope. Although the warmth of intertwined bodies might seem enticing, it’s the bridge between pure physicality and emotional intimacy. Before you know it, you're not just sharing body heat but also whispered secrets and dreams, blurring the lines of your arrangement.
  • Pillow talk perils: Those hushed post-coital conversations, often candid and vulnerable, can inadvertently lay the foundation for emotional bonds. When boundaries get fuzzy, the uncomplicated nature of an FWB risks getting snared in strings you never meant to attach.
  • Morning meal missteps: If pillow talk is the gateway, breakfast is full-blown couple territory. Sharing a morning meal post-hookup alters the dynamic from casual sex to something more akin to a date. It’s a subtle shift (not really subtle–it's definitely a step), but it can redefine the nature of your connection.

Before you get physical, remember the mantra: arrive, enjoy, depart. Keep it steamy, straightforward, and free of complications. 

8. Get your head in the game

Channel your inner jock for a moment. You're in the locker room at halftime—adrenaline pumping, muscles twitching from the rush of the play.

That's the electric thrill of a FWB relationship; it’s raw, exhilarating, and unbridled. Dive deep, explore those locker room fantasies, and relish every charged moment. It's the core of what makes a FWB dynamic so enticing. Unleash the fun!

9. Exit like a champ

After you’ve had your fill of fuck-buddy fun, you should aim for a clean break, but there’s no need to ghost them.

To keep that sporty analogy going, think of it like leaving the field after a hard-fought match—head held high, sweat dripping, glowing with the satisfaction of a game well played.

Your FWB stint was one for the books, a passionate bout that demanded your best. When the whistle blows, it's time to wrap up the game. Still, you might learn a thing or two from a post-game interview.

How long do FWB relationships last?

Unlike romantic relationships, friends with benefits arrangements tend to be ephemeral affairs. Rather than a slow burn, these thrilling-yet-casual connections usually sizzle with the intensity of a Fourth of July sparkler. They're exhilarating in the moment but can spark out as quickly as they ignite. 

The lifespan of most FWB situations spans a few weeks to a few months of bodacious banging before one or both parties move on. The sexual chemistry may be explosive, but the lack of emotional investment means there's minimal incentive to keep things blazing long-term.

Of course, some rare FWB arrangements defy the norm and evolve into enduring situations. But more often than not, these casual relationships rely on the novelty and liberation of no-strings-attached sex, which can quickly wear off as your focus shifts to more meaningful bonds.

So savor the adrenaline rush of your thrilling friends-with-benefits fling. Just don't expect the fireworks to last forever. In the party of life, even the wildest after-hours affairs eventually wind down.

Recapping our raunchy advice

In essence, a FWB relationship is a never ending well that permits you to surrender to your sensual cravings with unbridled freedom and self-confidence.

But it isn’t all fun and games. Successfully navigating your freaky friendship requires emotional maturity, transparent communication, and mutual respect. Relish the journey, but bear in mind that you're both the conductor and the dancer in this duet of physical desire.

Lastly, remember this piece of friends with benefits wisdom: For the sake of all things naughty, don’t pick someone you couldn’t bear to lose or already harbor romantic feelings for. The best friends with benefits relationships are those in which both parties can separate the physical from the emotional. By their very nature, they require self-awareness and boundaries.

Adhere to these guidelines to retain the essence of “friends with benefits”—purely physical fun that steers clear of the emotional entanglements that often muddle a situationship.

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