These days internet gift guides are as common as holiday films (of which, they are 82 out this season, including several of queer offerings for the first time). There are gift guides for boyfriends, gift guides for practicing self-care, and even gift guides that recommend a $2,000 Ouija Board.

So how does one subvert gift guides’ most common trope, experts select gifts for a niche audience, for a publication such as this? By consulting a population that has lots of recommendations, but virtually no expertise: Gay Twitter — where the takes are hot and the brains are smooth. (I can say this, as a card-carrying member.)

I surveyed seven Gay Twitter personalities for holiday gift recommendations giving them no theme or guidance when I made my request. Their picks range from the super dystopian to the super gay, with candles being a common theme in both buckets.

Each contributor included one gift, like for a boyfriend, and one stocking stuffer, like for a hot stranger who lives in a different state that you’ve been DMing since mid-March.

Alex Abad-Santos, @alex_abads | New York, NY

Gift

I'm financially slutty and irresponsible when it comes to candles, so if you really want to impress someone with a great present, go with Byredo's candles ($85) —  Ambre Japonais, Peyote Poem, and Bibliotheque are my favorites. Yes, they're pretentious — instead of telling you what they smell like, Byredo has fashioned tiny, flowery vignettes for each scent — and they're expensive, but a fancy candle is one way to make someone's space feel a little more livable this time of year through the seemingly inevitable next wave of lockdowns.

Stocking stuffer

‍Is it bleak to give someone a mask as a stocking stuffer? Yes probably, but unless you've got an in at Moderna or Pfizer, masks will continue to be a fixture in our sad realities. The best one I've tried is from a company called AsWeMove whose pre-mask claim to fame is performance, dancey-looking underwear. The masks, called Stealthshields ($15), are the most comfortable and breathable I've tried and kinda make you look like a superhero at the same time. They're also really great to work out in (if gyms and outdoor training are still open and happening).

B Graeter, @the_petshopboy | New York, NY

Gift

‍My pick for a gift is a puppy (Priceless), to give you bitches a reason to sit your ass at home this holiday pandemic season. Tired? Pics of your trips back and forth to Tulum, Puerto Vallarta, and Miami at the height of uncontrolled viral spread. Wired? Pics of you and your puppy — at home.

Stocking stuffer

‍Alcohol consumption has increased across the board this year, with Nielsen reporting alcohol online sales increasing over 250% from 2019. Drinking through (at least the first half of) 2021, is no excuse for your skin to suffer. Some of y’all need to include more water in your daily diets, and a Soda Stream ($50) is the perfect way to remedy that. Replace straight vodka with vodka sodas, and your skin complexion will thank you come vaccine time!

Jarett Wieselman, @jarettsays | Los Angeles, CA

Gift

When lockdown ends, I want to emerge looking fresher and younger than I did when it started. That’s why I’ve spent far too much money trying out new skincare routines and I gotta tell you, nothing compares to SkinCeuticals. This Biocellulose Restorative Mask ($120) is one of my favorites, and I’ve been paying careful attention to get as much of the serum as possible around my forehead and eye area (anything visible with a mask on). You truly can’t go wrong with any of their ridiculously expensive but very effective products — plus now I can say with confidence that it costs a lot to look this good.

Stocking stuffer

‍I wasn’t a big homebody before lockdown (mostly just used my apartment for sleeping and, well…) so I didn't really need cute clothes for just lounging around the house. But now that I haven’t had to put on jeans for nine months, I’ve basically been living in these super soft and surprisingly chic Pair Of Thieves sweatpants ($60).

Michael Benjamin, @mfbenji | Los Angeles, CA

Gift

‍My favorite type of gifts to give are small items that are useful but that you’d never buy yourself, such as a pizza cutter shaped like a race car ($25). No one would buy themselves a race car pizza cutter because that’s frivolous, but being gifted one? Brilliant. It’s a fun gift that has a clear purpose. The next time you bake a Trader Joes’s pizza, you’re going to be thrilled to slice that baby with your double-bladed utensil.

Stocking Stuffer

‍Play-Doh ($5). Everyone likes Play-Doh. It’s creative for kids, and it’s a great stress-reliever for adults. Also, my mom always said everyone needs a toy to open during the holidays, even adults, and Play-Doh is the perfect toy that can sit in a desk drawer and keep you entertained while you’re stuck on endless Zoom calls.

R. Eric Thomas, @oureric | Baltimore, MD

Gift

‍People say taste in artwork is subjective but that doesn’t apply if you have good taste. Channel your inner Thomas Crown by giving your friends and relatives a firm push in the interior decor department with a limited edition giclee print by Kadir Nelson ($405-$755), and make sure to remind them that Nelson’s artwork has been featured on the cover of “The New Yorker” multiple times, for that extra dash of taste cred.

Stocking Stuffer

Whether the gift recipient has gotten really into meal prep or is working their way through “Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat,” they’ll be surprised by how many uses they can find for a food scale ($14.95). From measuring macros to making macarons, this gift will transform everyone’s food game. And who doesn’t want to weigh their meat?

T. Kyle MacMahon, @tkylemac | New York, NY

Gift

‍Since I'm gay and immunocompromised, two things keeping me company while I'm alone at home during the COVID-19 pandemic are candles and endless cups of iced coffee. Not to sound like an infomercial host, but did you know it’s possible to chill hot coffee in under a minute without melting the ice, watering your coffee down, and completely ruining it? You didn’t? Enter the HyperChiller ($25), which has been making my quarantined mornings (and afternoons, and sometimes evenings) much more pleasant.

Stocking Stuffer

‍My favorite type of candles are three-wick candles; I won’t say which brand because #notsponsored. There was a time when those candles required me to walk to the bodega to buy grill lighters in order to keep my candles lit  (I had a bad incident with a match once, don’t ask.) This flexible rechargeable USB lighter ($14), that I will shamelessly admit I bought after seeing James Charles talk about it on YouTube, eliminates the need for matches or a bulky grill lighter altogether. Sister sustainable.

Anonymous

In a rare show of discretion, one member of Gay Twitter elected to give his recommendation off the record. His advice was too sage not to share. “Just tell the girls to buy a ring light to fix their nudes and call it a day.”

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A picture is worth a thousand words, but great photography transcends language.

Texas Isaiah - who has built a platform on the foundations of mutual care and respect through the camera lens, reminds us of the beauty found in being different. From projects like Image is an Offering that centers Black trans and gender expansive people loving themselves to their recent work Intimacy in Isolation - which was in the New York Times -  Texas continues to affirm the idea that even in our darkest moments, there is much to be said with one snap of a photo.

“Doing photography has taught me about connectivity and establishing relationships,” he says, noting that photography isn’t just about getting the right photo, but about helping others to feel seen. “It’s about establishing community and images help me provide different methods of caretaking and mutual respect for those who look and live like me.”

Through his talent, he has been able to redefine representation by highlighting stories that are often left out of traditional media.

“Doing photography for me is about celebrating heritage,” he shares, noting that he knew photography was his calling after doing his first full length project because it gave him the space to think about the intersections of his identity. “When I did Blackness, It gave me the opportunity to document and celebrate the diversity of the African diaspora who also highlighted the spectrums across gender and sexuality. This was important for me as this allowed me to be more vulnerable with myself and the people in the project”.

For Texas Isaiah, being behind the camera is a testament to the power of Black trans people and how one photograph can redefine the definition of representation. “For me, it’s about the proximity to the art,” he says. “It’s knowing that so many Black trans people will never have the chance to work with someone who understands their story. I think that is what fascinates me about this work. There is really a talent for capturing Black (trans) people, specifically in their full image.”

While Texas believes there are many things that photographers can learn from his work, he hopes they also learn from his trajectory as a Black trans person. “I think we need to delve deeper into conversations around compassion for others and for self,” he shared.

“My work is not only about showing intimacy, but also about reminding people that they don’t have to choose a singular path to establish career artistry.”  

Following this idea has led to great success for Texas. Recently he had the chance to work with big names like Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union for Times, and his long time idol Janet Mock. “There is just something so magical about Black people,” he says, noting how working with them helped him better understand the need to think outside the box.

Upon asking him what advice he would give other queer photographers during this time, he noted how important it is to not feel pressured to be someone they’re not behind the camera. For Texas Isaiah, the most beautiful part of being a photographer is embracing the process.

“For young Black, queer, disabled, trans/gender expansive people I would say that the most important part of this process is being okay with time,” he explains. “It’s your right to protect your work and your legacy. Feel free to take your time in developing your projects and don’t feel like you have to rush the process. Oh, and always ask questions. It will save you in the end.”

Above all, his message continues to be one that is loud and clear.

“Community can be found in photography and always remember to follow your heart.”  

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I have a confession to make: there is nothing I enjoy more on this planet than a rim job. When perched on someone’s face, I’m a king on his throne. Nothing else matters except the tongue tickling, teasing and penetrating my hole.

“Anilingus feels so good because the anus is loaded with sensitive nerve endings, such as pacinian corpuscles, which respond to vibration and pressure, as well as free nerve endings which respond to temperature and touch,” Cam Fraser, Australia’s leading men’s sex coach, tells Grindr. “Thus, stimulating the area between the genitals and the anus (the perineum), the anus itself, and even the area leading up to the tailbone, especially with a tongue, can all create fantastically pleasurable sensations.”

Beyond feeling fucking fantastic, the taboo nature of the act can be incredibly arousing. It can also help bottoms settle into a sexual experience. “The more relaxed you are, the less tension you hold in your body, including your pelvic floor and anus,” Fraser explains. “So by spending time helping a sexual partner relax into a sexual encounter through external stimulation of the anus, you can help them open and be better prepared for anal penetration.”

For adult performer Diggory, the proud owner of a nine-inch cock, sex can be difficult without it. “Rimming is an essential part of getting my boys ready to get fucked, both physically and mentally,” he tells Grindr. “Just like all good foreplay, it's all about building anticipation of what's to come.”

Since rimming is an integral component of a queer man’s sexual repertoire, I figured some credibly-sourced tips on the matter wouldn’t hurt. So settle in students, it’s time for a lesson on rimjobs.

Practice safer Rimming

As is true for just about any sexual activity that involves potentially mixing bodily fluids and intimate areas with one another, taking the proper precautions to ensure you’re both protected should be considered. Hepatitis A, herpes, HPV, and gonorrhea can all be transmitted via rimjobs––some through feces and others through skin-to-skin contact, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Bacterial infections, like e.coli, salmonella as well as giardia, a microscopic parasite, can be transmitted through rimming as well. Generally speaking, it is wise to avoid rimming if your sexual partner is experiencing symptoms of a possible stomach bug as they may be more likely to transmit bad bacteria.

Before tongue hits hole, make sure your bum—as well any other areas that may be involved—is clean as a whistle about 30 to 60 minutes beforehand. While you don’t have to douche (the tongue won’t be penetrating more than half an inch deep; but, to be fair, rimming can lead to deeper penetration), cleaning the area with an antibacterial soap or butt scrub will suffice.

When it comes to how clean the area should be, Diggory advises you talk it out with your sexual partner beforehand. “Some guys like a hole to be shower-fresh, others like a bit of sweat and musk,” he says. “Just relax and get comfortable, because I'm going to be down there for a while.”

Barrier methods are another way to practice safer rimming, the most sensical being a dental dam. While not as commercially available as condoms, there is a simple and effective hack: grab a pair of scissors, remove the reservoir tip, slice the condom length-wise, and voila! You’ve got yourself a DIY dental dam.

Assume the position

While the most popular position is on all fours, there are a number of different ways you as the recipient can position yourself, each of which offers different physical sensations. Ideally, you want easy access to your hole and the ability to spread your cheeks.

You can lay on your back with your knees held high (place a pillow under your lower back for leverage), get real comfy and lay flat on your stomach (a pillow is helpful here as well), perch firmly on their face, or, as a flexible someone on Instagram informed me, attempt the “plough pose,” where your legs are planted over your head and your hole is hoisted up in the air, presenting itself like a holiday ham.

Build anticipation

It’s a tired cliche, but when it comes to rimming, slow and steady wins the hole. I understand that you’re hungry and eager to dive in but, as with all things anal, you need to romance the area first.

“There’s an intensity that comes with the desire to really get up in there and go to town on a hot hole when it’s in your face, but you need to slow it down,” veteran porn performer and director, Nick Capra, says. “I’ve noticed men respond more to slow tongues––tease it with slow circular motions.”

Don’t start directly on the anus, make the hole anticipate the tongue. “Start slowly by gently kissing around the perineum and build your way toward the anus by circling your tongue around the outer area before sucking and nibbling the anus directly, even inserting your tongue into the opening,” Fraser says.

Mix it up

If you’re rolling your eyes out of boredom while someone’s tongue-deep in your hole, they’re not doing it right. The same routine gets boring real quick, so switch up your technique.  

“Tongue that hole like you're making out with it,” Diggory says. “Swirl your tongue in circles, flick around with just the tip, go in deep, give him some good long licks right from the balls all the way up his ass crack.”

Both soften and flex your tongue, lick every little fold in the hole as these host the most nerve-endings. Flirt with speed, direction and pressure. Lap it up like an ice cream cone using your entire tongue, then point and penetrate, getting in real deep. If the mood feels right and you’re given consent, rub the head of your cock against the hole and give it a nice tease.

Eating ass can put a lot of strain on your tongue and jaw and sometimes you need a break. This is where you can tag in a sex toy—like a vibrating butt plug or prostate massager—and use it internally, externally or both until you’re ready to dive back in.

If you’re not keen on the taste of butt, use an edible lube (bonus: lube can enhance sensation and allows for easier entry and movement), or offer them booty scrubs in tasty flavors like glazed donut or vanilla latte. When in doubt, spell out the ABC’s with your tongue.

“Oh! And grow a beard,” Diggory adds. “Guys seem to really like the feel of mine against their booty.”

Beyond the hole

A good rimjob doesn’t have to be—and shouldn’t be—limited to the rim area. “Remember that it's a whole ass experience, so use your hands too,” Diggory says. “Grab and massage his butt cheeks, pull them apart so you can get your face in further, kiss and nibble around his cheeks and down the back of his thighs.”

Read the cues

We all experience pleasure differently, so techniques that work for some might not work for others. The most important thing to do is listen to how the recipient is responding, listen for moans and read their body language. Capra says these cues become your compass to do more or less of something.

One thing that never gets old? Enthusiasm. I would argue it is the most important facet as all. As an Instagram friend concludes, “You’re not done until your beard is drenched.”

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Dear Dad

My BF is having a hard time Cumming lately. He says it isn’t me and I’m trying not to take it personal but it’s making me feel insecure. Is there anything I can say or do?

—No Cummies

NC,

To cum or not to cum, that is the predicament. On one hand, I truly do believe that everyone goes through periods where their sexual libido is lower than usual. I myself have had full years where I simply wasn’t in the mood. On the other hand, it sounds like you’re actively having sex and he can’t cum, which is a bird of a different feather.

Some men already have high orgasm thresholds (the length of time it takes to cum) so if/when certain life variables add more to that threshold, it can seem impossible to climax. The first thing to do is see if he can orgasm by himself—usually people with high thresholds find it much easier to produce an orgasm when they’re by themselves. If he can make himself cum, albeit with some sweat and hard work, then you both need to adjust to what is arousing him when he’s by himself and adapt it to your shared sex life.

How does your partner masturbate? Are they watching porn? Thinking of a memory? Using a prostate stimulator? Make sure you get a good sense of his arousal process during his one-on-one time.

Once you get back to the bedroom integrate the ways he arouses himself and allow yourself plenty of time for foreplay. The most exciting part of penetrative sex is right when you/they enter. Whether your partner is a top or a bottom, you’ll want to get them as highly aroused as possible before you start intercourse to ensure they reach climax.

Work with your partner and communicate your needs and you should have them back squirting like a fountain in no time.

My partner of 4 years just told me that he voted for Trump. I’m so horrified. I knew he had some conservative views but I never thought he’d do this. Is it crazy to break up with him?

—Biden’s bottom

BB,

Your partner voted for someone who is actively harming the queer community—that includes you. I don’t like to tell people what to do in such a straightforward “yes” or “no” way, but bb, welcome to singlehood.

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I am 35 years old and have never had a serious relationship, is something wrong with me?

—Party for one

PFO,

Um, no. That’s the first part of my answer. Nothing is wrong with you. There’s no prescriptive formula for how to live a life, and as queer people we definitely don’t have to fall into the antiquated ideology that a romantic relationship equates to success in any way.

Let me ask you something, do you have meaningful friendships? Do you have family members you care about? A romantic partnership can be a beautiful thing, but it is not the only “serious” relationship that there is in the world.

Single people are not pariahs of society that must be kept hidden from the eyes of partnered people and nuclear families. Being single is a valid lifestyle.

I know many people who having dated around find that they’re happiest when they’re single. I also know people who thought they’d be single forever and find a partner in their 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s.

A partner can be a wonderful addition to a person’s life, and they can be a spawn sent from hell to torture you to your core. It’s all relative. It’s your life. If you end up finding a partner, great. If you’re single, fabulous. No matter what, I know this is true—no one can make you happy—a party for one is all you need.

I just moved to Portland and I haven’t had sex in a couple months and am ready but idk anyone…what should I do?

—Horny and New

HON,

Now, because you’re writing to me I know that you know what the app Grindr is and what it does. So let’s start there. Get on the app, look around your new city, and say hi to people who you’re interested in. I’ve been to Portland and let me tell you, the homosexuals there are on all the apps. Make connections and go on dates (maybe virtual dates for now) and you’ll slowly begin to build a community of friends, friends with benefits, sex partners, romantic partners, and probably a few acquaintances who randomly know how to juggle.  

Now, let’s talk precautions…

No, I’m not going to give you the PrEP talk, I’m referring to COVID-19. We are at a critical point where America is worse off than it was in April. Please be careful. Try meeting someone virtually over FaceTime or Video Chat first, get tested regularly, and follow your state’s safety protocols etc.

As the dust from Election Day settles and we welcome Joe Biden as our new President-elect, we wanted to share some highlights from our partnership with Headcount for their 2020 Vote With Pride initiative. The stakes for our community were higher than ever in this year’s election—with COVID-19 still ravaging the country, police brutality and racial justice taking a national spotlight, and a new Supreme Court appointee casting uncertainty on recent gains for LGBTQ+ rights, it was more important than ever to make sure our users had the resources they needed to register, vote safely, and make their voices heard.

We focused our efforts on several key phases in the lead-up to the election. For National Voter Registration Day on September 22, we launched a messaging campaign to our U.S. users connecting them with Headcount’s voter registration and verification portal. By early October, as some registration deadlines began to pass, we switched our focus to state-specific campaigns providing people with info on how to vote early and by mail in their state. In the final run-up to the election, we added voting reminders and links to Headcount’s LGBTQ+ Voting Resources to the profile menu for all of our U.S. users.

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By Election Day, we had connected tens of thousands of Grindr users with crucial early and mail-in voting info for their states. That’s a fraction of the more than 1 million people who log in to the app each day in the U.S., but enough to make us Headcount’s most successful Vote with Pride partner for the 2020 campaign.

And we weren’t the only ones getting out the vote on Grindr—our users also made headlines by using the app to conduct voter outreach of their own, in what some called operation #DateSaveAmerica. Several beloved LGBTQ+ personalities also lent their time and talent to Grindr’s get out the vote efforts, including Latrice Royale, who shared how she was voting for the first time in two decades due to a former felony conviction that stripped her voting rights. And our Voting Is Sexy PSA, featured below with cameos by Boomer Banks, Aquaria, Chase Icon and more, proved once and for all that democracy, when exercised properly, is the ultimate turn-on.

With so much on the line, it was inspiring to see our users and the LGTBQ+ community at large come together to make sure their voices—and their votes—were heard this election.

HackerOne helps organizations identify and address vulnerabilities before they can be exploited. Over the past few years, Grindr has performed a series of third-party penetration tests as part of our cybersecurity strategy; and while regular penetration testing will continue to be a key part of our strategy, this partnership adds to our multi-layered approach for all of our cybersecurity functions.

We believe HackerOne will be an effective complement to traditional penetration testing. Traditional penetration tests typically rely on a small team of security experts with deep experience finding exploits in applications. They’re a mainstay, but there may be limits to what a small team can do. HackerOne approaches the goal from the opposite angle. They open up penetration testing to a wide range of hackers with varying levels of expertise and areas of focus. Given this, we’re carefully scoping our HackerOne program to maximize the value of the vulnerabilities it surfaces. And of course, our engineering team prioritizes fixing those vulnerabilities above all other priorities. If you’re a security researcher, you can head over to our vulnerability report page to participate in the bug bounty program.

As a further measure, we’ve created an improved process for security-related reports to escalate directly from our customer service department to our security team and engineers. An effective security program takes awareness and commitment from across an organization, and we’re making sure everyone on the Grindr team has the knowledge they need to do their part.

Grindr is a part of a vibrant community and we’re 100% committed to ensuring our users’ security. We’re taking a multi-layered approach to protecting our users by employing traditional pen testing, HackerOne, and improved security report escalation. The rapid identification of vulnerabilities is only one part of our cybersecurity strategy, and we look forward to sharing more with you in future posts.  

If you’re a security researcher with an interest in the Grindr HackerOne program, then check out the Grindr HackerOne directory page for more info.

-Tom Quisel, Chief Technology Officer | LinkedIn

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Welcome to a special edition of Whorescopes. This Scorpio szn, in honor of the Scorpi-Ho of the zodiac, we’re showing off each zodiac sign’s signature Grindr pick-up line. Oh it’s about to get down right cosmic in here.

Scorpio

Scorpio szn is all about being…direct.

Sagittarius

Playing hard to get is for chumps.

Capricorn

When a Capricorn tells you something, they mean it.

Aquarius

An artist always recognizes a great canvas.

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Pisces

In the game of love, Pisces trust their instincts.

Aries

Great taste sets the ram’s heart aflame.

Taurus

The fastest way to a man’s heart? The anus.

Gemini

The twins have two minds about everything, even their hookups.

Cancer

Deny the sensitive crab and they’ll fall even deeper for you.

Leo

Make sure you pay your respects to the regal lion…or else.

Virgo

Virgo’s turn-ons include: cash, check or credit card.

Libra

Libras love to show their gratitude.

New Free Features

‍

We recently reviewed our XTRA premium subscription and decided to make a few of our previously paid features available for free to all users. You can now favorite as many people as you’d like each day, send multiple photos at once, and use Do Not Disturb settings without a subscription. These features help make the core Grindr experience more convenient for everyone.

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SEND MULTIPLE PHOTOS

You can now send up to five photos at once, instead of one at time.

REMOVED DAILY FAVORITE LIMIT

No more hitting a limit and having to wait until tomorrow to add someone to your favorites. Fave as you see fit.

DO NOT DISTURB

This feature is found in Settings and allows you to set repeating Quiet Hours or temporarily Snooze Grindr notifications when you need a break, or don't want to broadcast your activity to those around you.

This feature is only available on Android, but may be added to iOS in the future depending on popularity.

As coronavirus cases began to spike around the world, the number of new OnlyFans creators rose significantly. During an era of furlough and record job insecurity, it’s safe to assume this wasn’t a mere coincidence. In the UK, for instance, the amount of new OnlyFans creators rose by a hefty 42% between March and July alone — whilst in the U.S., the website reported an enormous 75% increase in fresh sign-ups, with over 170,000 new users joining each day at one point, the Huffington Post reports.

For those unfamiliar with the online phenomenon, OnlyFans is a platform on which subscribers pay a monthly subscription fee to access creators’ photos, videos, live streams, and beyond. Despite common misconception, OnlyFans does not specifically exist to host sexual content. However, many creators chose to go down this route, and the results can be very profitable indeed.

But what about the people behind the profile? Well, to gain some behind-the-scenes insight, I spoke to three LGBT creators who signed up to OnlyFans during lockdown about making money, navigating backlash, sexual liberation, and more. These are their stories.

Kieron

After documenting my fitness journey online a couple of years ago, I noticed people on social media were interested in seeing more of me. So, I mulled it over for a while, and after requests to “start an OnlyFans” became more frequent, I just decided to give it a go.

I first began making OnlyFans content as a way to express my sexuality, and even though I had a partner during the early days of lockdown, we decided not to post anything as a couple. Instead, I began to cultivate my ‘boy next door’ brand, with light, playful, and erotic content — and I had a blast. My following has always stayed small, probably because I prefer to keep advertising minimal. And in terms of money, my OnlyFans profit started to cover the costs of my weekly grocery shop, as well as some daily expenses for my partner. I guess we could have switched our marketing heads on and began to think about world domination, but that isn’t essential for me. I’m happy with the balance as it is.

I do plan on continuing with OnlyFans for a while after lockdown. However, I don’t see myself going much further with it. The platform helped me garner income during the pandemic, and so I’m thankful for that. But, for me, it’s not a life goal. It’s just a part of this phase of my life.  

I’m definitely not alone in starting an OnlyFans during lockdown, either. I think part of the reason the platform has become so popular is because people enjoy the allure of being wanted. This is especially the case on social media, where vying for likes and follows is the norm. Of course, there’s always the risk of backlash when you sign up to a website like OnlyFans. However, I haven’t really had any. It’s something I’ll use as an ice-breaker, and a lot of my friends tell me they’re tempted to sign up too. I just think it boils down to expression. Sexual identity is such a large part of us, and we’re drilled into thinking that it’s taboo. Sure, you can see some videos I’ve made, but you can’t fuck me, so are my morals really compromised? In the age we live in now, how is expressing your sexuality anything other than empowering?

I feel like I’ve found out so much more about myself since I’ve started listening and communicating with my sexuality — I recommend it. But for anyone seriously thinking about starting on OnlyFans, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Don’t do it to get back at an ex or to make a bit of cash. I’d say do it because you’re passionate about it, or because you simply want to have fun. And remember to always be comfortable. It’s your body, not anybody else’s.

Anonymous

The feeling of dread I experienced during the early days of lockdown isn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy. Because of the pandemic, I lost the job I loved, and my decision to join OnlyFans for some emergency income was a quick one. I spend most of my days scrolling through Twitter, and was more than familiar with how profitable sexual content can be. After setting up my first account, I began making money almost immediately. Not a ton, but enough to cover rent costs and the occasional treat.

However, as any creator will tell you, publicly sharing nudes and jerk off videos online comes with great potential for backlash. Sadly for me, this was indeed the case, and when strangers began regularly mocking me online I made the decision to go anonymous. Surprisingly, my anonymous profile became more successful than the previous. Perhaps this was because I wasn’t worried about being too explicit anymore — and soon after I realized my OnlyFans would be longterm. I mean, the pay checks were nice and it was easy work.  

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After a couple of months, things seemed to be on the up. I was making regular income again and began pushing my creative boundaries whilst filming content. Sadly, my own worst case scenario became reality when a family member stumbled upon some of my older, less private videos. In a state of panic, I completely removed myself from the OnlyFans universe and haven’t looked back since. In the past couple of weeks I’ve thankfully managed to fall back into my preferred line of work, but I can’t help but feel a sense of disappointment. I was really starting to take off with new subscribers and felt like I was on the cusp of building my very own online community. I’ve also never felt so liberated, and, although my time on OnlyFans was brief, I’ll always be appreciative of that. Unfortunately for me, the fear of being found out was too much to bare — and I advise anyone with similar reservations to keep this in mind before putting yourself out there.

Tyler Wu

I began posting NSFW content online a few years ago, mainly through live cam shows on platforms such as Chaturbate. While working abroad last year, I met someone who encouraged me to start an OnlyFans so I could reach a bigger audience and I decided to go for it at the beginning of lockdown. Overall, it has been a very positive experience, having found a new outlet in an otherwise difficult time, and I am extremely grateful for the opportunities it has given me.

As with most things in life, you get out of it what you put in. I've seen some treat it as a get rich quick scheme and I think this could be what discourages some people from subscribing. There is a plethora of free porn out there, so paying subscribers rightly expect higher quality content.

Since starting, I've told a few friends about what I'm doing, and they’ve all been super supportive.

I do believe that stigma towards sex workers is decreasing nowadays, especially among the younger generation.

I have also noticed there is very little Asian representation on OnlyFans and the pornography industry in general — and I think the worry of judgement is magnified when you come from a culture where sex is a particularly taboo subject.

And to anyone who perhaps does take issue with OnlyFans should know that it’s real, and often very hard work. Creators are cameraman, producers, editors, marketers, social media managers, among other things. Working hours can quickly add up. My academic background is in business and languages, and these skills have undoubtedly helped, although I continue to learn every day. I would advise anyone wanting to start an OnlyFans to look at their own skillset and identify what can set them apart. I think the most important thing, however, is to take the time to build relationships with your followers and not to take them for granted, these are the people supporting you.

Summer is winding down and if it weren’t for the ever deepening imprint in your couch cushion, how would you even know? Time seems to be at a standstill but that doesn’t mean your grid has to be (COVID precautions first, of course)! Enjoy the latest edition of Grindr Chat, quarantine-style, curated by the hilarious @Zachnoetowers.

Jack Off All Trades

Is furniture slang for sex swing??

Adopt Don’t Shop

I’m into pup play but this is ridiculous.

Rip drag bingo

Ma’am you cannot touch the drag queen’s boobies.

Spill your seed

And let love grow…

The Quarantine 15

Y’all better not glow-up without me!!

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But before 2020—before pandemic and revolution and travel bans—this story starts with an app. Grindr, to be exact, in the fall of 2018.

OR: We lived in the same neighborhood, so we’d seen each other around on the app.
SHOEMAKER: But I was too nervous to say hi first.
OR: Yeah, so I did. And honestly, I led with, “I’m sorry, but your dog stole the show.”

And in dating-app fashion, a first date was immediately on the books.

SHOEMAKER: He had tickets to Disney on Ice because he designed the props in the show.
OR: And I gave him a boner during Aladdin’s scene.
SHOEMAKER: Are we allowed to say boner?
OR: You could say there was a magic lamp for rubbing.
SHOEMAKER: How about just, “It was a whole new world.”

One magic carpet ride later, the couple was engaged in March of 2020, just as the U.S. was preparing to read like a spec script of Contagion.

Prior to their first hellos and long before Miss Rona came knocking, Or and Shoemaker, both queer immigrants to the U.S., had each taken to Grindr during their time in New York to connect with what they both call “a safe community.” It was an easy way for them to make friends, get bar recommendations, and of course, the occasional hookup. “Grindr gave us spaces in which to be ourselves amongst like-minded folx,” says Or. “So then to find each other felt like being found. Being home.”

Little did they know, 2020 was about to put that notion of “home” to the test.

“It was twofold. First, we watched our friends and community in New York struggle day by day with how suffocating quarantine was,” says Shoemaker. “And then the travel bans and border closings happened, and we were suddenly cut-off from our families.” Or was born in Hong Kong, China and raised in Ontario, Canada; Shoemaker was born and raised in Chile, South America.

“With our wedding supposed to be around the corner, we didn’t know if this was even a time to be thinking about ourselves,” says Or. “So we made the decision, if we’re going digital, we’re going to use the platform to show the world something positive. Hope.”

Or and Shoemaker turned to TheHAU5, a Brooklyn production company for artistic collaboration, with a mission to create a backyard, virtual wedding free of prejudice, restrictions, and pandemic that absolutely anyone could attend. Between the grooms and TheHAU5’s Founder and Cultural Strategist, Alexander McMichael (whom Benny had also befriended on Grindr years prior), the three assembled a creative team of LGBTQ+/BIPOC New York artists just as intent on combating COVID-19’s stifling effects. The result: a publicly live-streamed, 3-camera setup dubbed a “Celebration of Love.”

“This live-stream experience was the marriage of collaboration and foundation,” says McMichael. “In the midst of everything that’s happening right now, when you have the capacity to create, you produce magic. We departed from the traditional plug-and-play, and TheHAU5 integrated innovative interactivity to share a story that helped people around the world feel courage, hope, and less alone.”

Sure enough, on August 8, 2020, the world watched. With just a wedding website and a few social media pushes, Or and Shoemaker’s wedding was witnessed by people on every continent, save Antarctica, in countries including Egypt, Kenya, India, Singapore, Taiwan, Honduras, Milan, the Netherlands, Spain, the United Kingdom, Lebanon, and Peru, just to name a few. In all, strangers accounted for 30% of the wedding RSVPs.

“The fact that people around the world RSVP’d is confirmation that they needed examples of family and partnership and community,” says Shoemaker. “We showed the world that hate is based in fear and fear is based in the unknown. When you educate people, it reduces their fear and therefore their hate.”

On U.S. soil unfortunately, this is a lesson in civility and compassion that comes in the midst of the Southern Poverty Law Center’s annual “Year in Hate and Extremism” report. Released at the beginning of 2020, it states “the SPLC documented an increase in the number of [U.S.] white nationalist, anti-LGBTQ and anti-immigrant hate groups.” This, of course, does not take into account the countries in which it is illegal and even punishable by death to be a homosexual.

However, this did not stop attendees from sending messages of gratitude to the newlyweds. One anonymous message reads: “I’m from a country where people are sent to prison for being gay, so watching this gave me so much hope. Sometimes I feel so hopeless, like I’m running a marathon, but I’ll never get a chance to reach the end because there’s a wall I can’t get over, go around, or break. I feel like giving up. But you give me hope to hold on for as long as I can. Thank you.”

“This started with the simple fact that our family couldn’t be here,” says Or. “But with an open invitation, our story had the ability to educate and inspire and change the world. And it did just that. We took no concessions with it. It wasn’t about what we couldn’t do. It was about what we could do.”

In lieu of the traditional wedding registry, the grooms also started a fund to offset their wedding costs, 15% of which was donated to The Trevor Project. “We’ve both had periods in our lives where we didn’t think we would have the opportunity to get married, let alone find love,” says Shoemaker. “Through this ceremony, we hope that we reached out to those still searching for acceptance. The only way to live your life is to believe full-heartedly that the best is yet to come.”

The virtual wedding production was creative directed by Alexander McMichael, and featured a guest performance by Freakquencee and TheHAU5 band, wardrobe design by Patrick Church, ring design by Karen Piu, floral design by Brenton Wolf, makeup by Kevin Cheah, photography by Nir Arieli, and video editing by Stephen Hebert.

Or and Shoemaker still reside in Brooklyn with their two dogs, Logan and Rocko, happily rounding out what they call, “The new American nuclear family.”

Got your own #metongrindr story you’d like to share? TAG US @grindr on instagram.

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Freddy & Nicholas met on Grindr over three years ago. Here’s how Freddy describes their origin story:

I remember watching an episode on manifestation by Oprah and instantly writing down every quality that I’d like in my dream man... fast forward, Boom💥 I’m on Grindr.

“I honestly forgot about the list completely, Nicholas messaged me and it was always casual... although I wasn’t entirely interested at first because it seemed like we wanted different things. We continued talking and he seemed like a genuine human being with a big heart, you could feel his warmth through the phone. Talk about energy—something about Nicholas was just different and hard to pinpoint.

He invited me over for dinner. I was expecting steak and something fancy but walked into beef patties and a baked potato… totally threw me off. But his attention to detail was immaculate— everything tasted so flavorful. After dinner, I was serenaded by the beautiful-sounds of him playing his piano. He was talented and I learned that he’s a classically trained pianist. I was a professional ballet dancer at the time and so his skillset, artistry, and precision blew me away. I later learned that he was autistic, high functioning. I had a cousin with autism but I’ve never been intimately involved with anyone with autism before. Also I worried about what people would think about our age difference (update: it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks). We spoke for hours that night. In that instant, I knew my heart was his.

Everything moved rather quickly after that. About a month later, I moved in.”

We both had so much learning about each other to do—toxic cycles to unpack and unlearn, love languages to understand. However three and half years later I couldn’t be more sure that he’s my guy. He’s literally everything I could have asked for and more.

Got your own #metongrindr story you’d like to share? Send your story to @grindr on instagram.

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