Gay Sex Ed: How To Give A Good Rim Job

I have a confession to make: there is nothing I enjoy more on this planet than a rim job. When perched on someone’s face, I’m a king on his throne. Nothing else matters except the tongue tickling, teasing and penetrating my hole.

“Anilingus feels so good because the anus is loaded with sensitive nerve endings, such as pacinian corpuscles, which respond to vibration and pressure, as well as free nerve endings which respond to temperature and touch,” Cam Fraser, Australia’s leading men’s sex coach, tells Grindr. “Thus, stimulating the area between the genitals and the anus (the perineum), the anus itself, and even the area leading up to the tailbone, especially with a tongue, can all create fantastically pleasurable sensations.”

Beyond feeling fucking fantastic, the taboo nature of the act can be incredibly arousing. It can also help bottoms settle into a sexual experience. “The more relaxed you are, the less tension you hold in your body, including your pelvic floor and anus,” Fraser explains. “So by spending time helping a sexual partner relax into a sexual encounter through external stimulation of the anus, you can help them open and be better prepared for anal penetration.”

For adult performer Diggory, the proud owner of a nine-inch cock, sex can be difficult without it. “Rimming is an essential part of getting my boys ready to get fucked, both physically and mentally,” he tells Grindr. “Just like all good foreplay, it's all about building anticipation of what's to come.”

Since rimming is an integral component of a queer man’s sexual repertoire, I figured some credibly-sourced tips on the matter wouldn’t hurt. So settle in students, it’s time for a lesson on rimjobs.

Practice safer Rimming

As is true for just about any sexual activity that involves potentially mixing bodily fluids and intimate areas with one another, taking the proper precautions to ensure you’re both protected should be considered. Hepatitis A, herpes, HPV, and gonorrhea can all be transmitted via rimjobs––some through feces and others through skin-to-skin contact, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Bacterial infections, like e.coli, salmonella as well as giardia, a microscopic parasite, can be transmitted through rimming as well. Generally speaking, it is wise to avoid rimming if your sexual partner is experiencing symptoms of a possible stomach bug as they may be more likely to transmit bad bacteria.

Before tongue hits hole, make sure your bum—as well any other areas that may be involved—is clean as a whistle about 30 to 60 minutes beforehand. While you don’t have to douche (the tongue won’t be penetrating more than half an inch deep; but, to be fair, rimming can lead to deeper penetration), cleaning the area with an antibacterial soap or butt scrub will suffice.

When it comes to how clean the area should be, Diggory advises you talk it out with your sexual partner beforehand. “Some guys like a hole to be shower-fresh, others like a bit of sweat and musk,” he says. “Just relax and get comfortable, because I'm going to be down there for a while.”

Barrier methods are another way to practice safer rimming, the most sensical being a dental dam. While not as commercially available as condoms, there is a simple and effective hack: grab a pair of scissors, remove the reservoir tip, slice the condom length-wise, and voila! You’ve got yourself a DIY dental dam.

Assume the position

While the most popular position is on all fours, there are a number of different ways you as the recipient can position yourself, each of which offers different physical sensations. Ideally, you want easy access to your hole and the ability to spread your cheeks.

You can lay on your back with your knees held high (place a pillow under your lower back for leverage), get real comfy and lay flat on your stomach (a pillow is helpful here as well), perch firmly on their face, or, as a flexible someone on Instagram informed me, attempt the “plough pose,” where your legs are planted over your head and your hole is hoisted up in the air, presenting itself like a holiday ham.

Build anticipation

It’s a tired cliche, but when it comes to rimming, slow and steady wins the hole. I understand that you’re hungry and eager to dive in but, as with all things anal, you need to romance the area first.

“There’s an intensity that comes with the desire to really get up in there and go to town on a hot hole when it’s in your face, but you need to slow it down,” veteran porn performer and director, Nick Capra, says. “I’ve noticed men respond more to slow tongues––tease it with slow circular motions.”

Don’t start directly on the anus, make the hole anticipate the tongue. “Start slowly by gently kissing around the perineum and build your way toward the anus by circling your tongue around the outer area before sucking and nibbling the anus directly, even inserting your tongue into the opening,” Fraser says.

Mix it up

If you’re rolling your eyes out of boredom while someone’s tongue-deep in your hole, they’re not doing it right. The same routine gets boring real quick, so switch up your technique.  

“Tongue that hole like you're making out with it,” Diggory says. “Swirl your tongue in circles, flick around with just the tip, go in deep, give him some good long licks right from the balls all the way up his ass crack.”

Both soften and flex your tongue, lick every little fold in the hole as these host the most nerve-endings. Flirt with speed, direction and pressure. Lap it up like an ice cream cone using your entire tongue, then point and penetrate, getting in real deep. If the mood feels right and you’re given consent, rub the head of your cock against the hole and give it a nice tease.

Eating ass can put a lot of strain on your tongue and jaw and sometimes you need a break. This is where you can tag in a sex toy—like a vibrating butt plug or prostate massager—and use it internally, externally or both until you’re ready to dive back in.

If you’re not keen on the taste of butt, use an edible lube (bonus: lube can enhance sensation and allows for easier entry and movement), or offer them booty scrubs in tasty flavors like glazed donut or vanilla latte. When in doubt, spell out the ABC’s with your tongue.

“Oh! And grow a beard,” Diggory adds. “Guys seem to really like the feel of mine against their booty.”

Beyond the hole

A good rimjob doesn’t have to be—and shouldn’t be—limited to the rim area. “Remember that it's a whole ass experience, so use your hands too,” Diggory says. “Grab and massage his butt cheeks, pull them apart so you can get your face in further, kiss and nibble around his cheeks and down the back of his thighs.”

Read the cues

We all experience pleasure differently, so techniques that work for some might not work for others. The most important thing to do is listen to how the recipient is responding, listen for moans and read their body language. Capra says these cues become your compass to do more or less of something.

One thing that never gets old? Enthusiasm. I would argue it is the most important facet as all. As an Instagram friend concludes, “You’re not done until your beard is drenched.”

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