Power Bottom Appreciation Day

Bottoming and taking on a passive role during sex aren’t inherently synonymous. Case in point: power bottoms. Maybe you’ve hooked up with one, or maybe you identify as one yourself — if so, then you’re intimately familiar with the unique and incredibly hot energy they bring to the bedroom. Unlike passive or submissive bottoms, power bottoms take charge when fucking, determining the pace, positions, and level of intensity. Think top energy, except, you know… while bottoming.

October might be winding down, but the hype for Power Bottom Appreciation Day (October 30) is just getting started. To celebrate, Grindr interviewed some self-described power bottoms about the power they find in leaning into this label, and, of course, the pleasure they get from fucking this way. Here’s what they had to say.

Cody Silver (pronouns: he/him)

Today, Cody Silver markets himself as vers, but that was a somewhat recent development in his sex life. For years, he exclusively bottomed and power bottomed. “It takes a really good bottom to be a good top because you understand the positions, what speed to go at, what feels good,” he says.

Though he’s leaned into his inner “vers king” and has even curated two separate Private Albums on Grindr for topping and bottoming, Cody is always eager to flaunt his power bottoming skills. He’s become quite the pro at edging tops with his hole, for instance: “That’s when you really feel that power: when they moan, ‘Oh, I’m getting close.’ And you can either slow it down so they last longer, or you can get them to the edge and then just bring it back.”

Power bottoming isn’t just a way that Cody likes to get off (though that’s definitely part of it). It’s a source of empowerment for him, too. “I’m so tired of all the rampant top supremacy out there,” he shares. “I think at first, I really subscribed to the whole bottom shame stigma — for what reason, I don’t know. Without us, these tops would have nothing to say.”

Cody’s best tips for feeling confident while power bottoming? Doing a thorough job of preparing and cleaning out beforehand helps him enjoy himself, he notes. But more than that, “remember that you have all the power. It’s whatever you’re consenting to and whatever your top is consenting to. And more than anything, just have fun! If it doesn’t feel good, stop or say something.”

David* (pronouns: he/him)

Though he’s fully embraced the power bottom life now, David didn’t always connect with this label. “I used to think ‘power bottom’ just meant someone who always bottoms,” he says. “Over time, I realized it’s more about self-awareness and confidence.” He loves how the label captures the complexity of this role: the way it calls for a balance between control and submission.

“There’s something powerful about being tuned in to your own pleasure and helping your partner meet you there,” he shares. “When you know what works for you, and you can express that, it changes everything. I’ve enjoyed sex so much more since having this realization and coming to terms with how I like to show up in the bedroom.”

As for navigating the apps as a self-identified power bottom? It’s been a mixed experience for David. “It’s funny — some people still get weird about the term ‘power bottom,’” he says. He’s definitely encountered his fair share of tops who act like it’s a threat to their masculinity. At the same time, “there are plenty of people out there who totally get it and are into that confidence.”

David’s advice for other power bottoms is to just own it. “Be curious, be vocal, and be confident,” he says. Because when you show up to the apps or even a hookup with that kind of energy, “you can attract the same in return.”

Dakota* (pronouns: she/they)

Dakota began identifying as a power bottom last year, after their partner observed that their self-described switchiness usually manifested as power bottoming. “I looked it up and agreed,” they share. They love how the label reflects “being in control of how I receive pleasure,” whether that’s through speed, the way they’re being serviced, or the praise she’s giving and receiving.

“My favorite thing about being a power bottom is getting to affirm transmasculine partners through praise and certain fetishes,” Dakota says. They’ve particularly enjoyed exploring their breeding kink while taking on this role in the bedroom. 

Though they’ve encountered their fair share of bottom shaming, including hurtful comments from past connections, Dakota was able to work through it with therapy and positive affirmations from current partners. Power bottom or not, “life is too short to get caught up on what other people will say or think,” they share.

* Name changed or last name omitted for privacy.