The secret to a perfect sandwich is balance. Too much bread, and you're just eating carbs. Too much filling, and it falls apart in your hands. The ratio has to be right. The structural integrity has to hold. Every component needs to contribute something, or you're better off eating the ingredients separately.

National Sandwich Day is November 3rd, which gives us a perfect excuse to talk about the sexual equivalent: being the middle in a threesome. The guy who's simultaneously topping and bottoming. The filling. The cream in the Oreo. The reason everyone showed up.

Most People Get the Sandwich Wrong

Walk into any deli and order a sandwich, and they'll give you two pieces of bread with something in between. It's definitional. But ask three gay men to have a threesome, and there's a decent chance nobody ends up in the middle at all. You get two separate things happening in the same room. One guy's topping someone while that person's blowing the third. Or everyone's taking turns in pairs while the odd man out watches. That's not a sandwich. That's a charcuterie board.

The actual sandwich configuration, where one person is penetrated while penetrating someone else simultaneously, is rarer than you'd think. Partly because it's harder to coordinate. Partly because it requires someone willing to do both at once. But mostly because people underestimate what the middle position actually offers.

What Makes a Good Middle

A good sandwich needs structural integrity. You can't just slap ingredients together and hope they cooperate. Same principle applies here. The middle position has specific requirements, and talking through them beforehand is essential.

You need to stay hard while bottoming, which is a skill not everyone has. You need enough body awareness to manage two different sources of stimulation without immediately finishing from the overload. You need the hip flexibility to maintain the angle for both partners. And you need the confidence to communicate what's working and what isn't, because when you're the middle, you're actually running the show.

The choo-choo train position exists for good reason. Everyone's on their knees, lined up, and the physics just work. The guy behind you can get leverage. The guy in front of you can brace himself. You're stable enough to find a rhythm. But there are other configurations worth knowing:

• Side-lying works for longer sessions and saves everyone's knees from carpet burn
• Standing middle is possible if heights align, but requires more athletic ability than it looks
• Middle-on-back with the bottom riding while the top works from above, which is visually interesting but coordinatively complex
• The key to any configuration is that the rhythm flows through the middle, with everyone checking in about comfort and pace

Assembly Instructions

When you're arranging a threesome on Grindr, the middle conversation needs to happen before anyone shows up. "Who wants to be the filling?" sounds like a throwaway joke in the group chat, but it's actually the most important logistical question.

The best middle is whoever wants it most and can handle the intensity, not whoever gets voluntold because they're vers. Sometimes that's the host. Sometimes it's the person who suggested the three-way. Sometimes it's the guy who's usually a strict top but wants to try something new in a lower-stakes situation. But it should always be a clear decision that everyone agrees on.

This is also when you establish boundaries and preferences. What's on the table, what's not, and what happens if someone needs to tap out. The worst thing you can do is leave it ambiguous and figure it out in person. That's how you end up with three people awkwardly negotiating while someone's pants are already off.

Decide beforehand. Bring the right amount of lube (more than you think). Establish a way for anyone to pause or stop if needed. And make sure everyone understands that the middle isn't the compromise position. It's the main attraction.

The Perfect Ratio

Not every threesome needs a sandwich configuration. Sometimes you want a charcuterie board. But if you're going to mark National Sandwich Day properly, commit to the structure. Find two partners who understand that the middle is where everything comes together. Build it correctly, with clear communication and mutual enthusiasm. And enjoy the fact that you've created something that's more than the sum of its parts.

Every November, a peculiar ritual takes over certain corners of the internet. Men solemnly pledge to abstain from orgasm for thirty days straight. Some purists insist this means no jerking off, no hooking up, no sexual contact whatsoever. But others argue the challenge is specifically about the nut itself. You can still have sex, still fool around, still scroll through your favorite apps. You just can't finish. And as the Global Gayborhood in Your Pocket, we're inclined to agree with the latter interpretation.

What if the best sex doesn't end with an orgasm?

Here's the thing about No Nut November that nobody wants to admit: it might actually be onto something. Not because there's anything wrong with getting off (there isn't), and not because of the pseudo-scientific claims about "semen retention" floating around Reddit. The actual benefit is way simpler and way more interesting. When you take your own orgasm off the table but leave everything else on it, you're forced to think about sex completely differently.

The Abundance Problem

Grindr gave gay men something genuinely revolutionary: connection whenever you want it, wherever you are. The app made it possible to find exactly what you're looking for, from hookups to dates to friends. Which is incredible. It's also created an interesting psychological phenomenon worth examining.

When anything becomes abundant and easily accessible, your relationship to it changes. This isn't specific to sex or apps. It's true of streaming services, delivery food, or social media. Abundance is amazing, but it can also create a kind of autopilot mode where you stop being fully present for the experience itself.

No Nut November works as an accidental pattern interrupt. Not because abstinence is inherently virtuous, but because constraint creates attention. When you're allowed to hook up but not allowed to finish, suddenly every interaction becomes charged with a different energy. You're not racing toward a climax. You're actually present for everything that happens along the way.

What Happens When You Can't Focus on Yourself

Here's where it gets interesting for your actual sex life. When your own orgasm is off limits but sex isn't, you have to find other sources of satisfaction. Which means you start paying attention to your partner's pleasure in a completely different way.

This isn't noble self-sacrifice. It's almost selfish, actually. You're looking for your turn-on in his reactions, his sounds, the way his body responds. And in the process, you might discover:

• What actually works for him instead of cycling through your usual routine on autopilot
• That you're capable of staying hard and engaged without needing to finish
• How much pleasure you can get from being the person who makes someone else feel utmost pleasure
• That foreplay you usually rush through is actually the best part when you're not trying to get somewhere
• What happens when you get creative because the usual script doesn't have its usual ending

After the Challenge

The point isn't permanent abstinence from orgasms (please, enjoy yourself). The point is to interrupt your patterns long enough to realize you had patterns in the first place. After a month of restraint, that first orgasm back is going to be absurdly good. But more importantly, you might find yourself approaching sex differently even after November ends.

Maybe you spend more time on the parts you used to rush through because you discovered they're actually incredible. Maybe you realize the buildup is half the pleasure, and you'd been shortchanging yourself by sprinting to the finish. Maybe you learn that you can have deeply satisfying sexual experiences that don't end with you coming, which opens up entirely new possibilities for what sex can be.

No Nut November isn't going to fix your relationship or give you superpowers. What it can do is create enough space between stimulus and response that you remember sex is supposed to be something you experience fully, not something you complete efficiently. In a world where connection is easier than ever, that shift in perspective might be exactly what your sex life needs.

So this November, consider keeping everything on the table except the grand finale. Your partner will thank you. And when December finally arrives, you'll understand what all the fuss was about.

Last week in Vilnius, Lithuania, advocates from Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Czechia, Hungary, Romania, and Croatia gathered for a regional summit led by Freedom to Marry Global, a 2025 Grindr for Equality Award recipient. The goal was both simple and profound: to accelerate progress toward marriage equality in a region where LGBTQ+ love is still denied legal recognition.

From Visibility to Strategy

Held alongside the ILGA-Europe Annual Conference, which convened hundreds of LGBTQ+ activists, policymakers, and allies from across the continent, the summit offered a focused space for countries still fighting for a fundamental recognition of all — the right to marry the person you love.

The atmosphere at the summit was hopeful but strategic. Conversations ranged from legal advocacy and digital mobilization, to public education and coalition-building. Participants worked through case studies, campaign planning exercises, and shared legal strategies tailored to each country’s realities. Sessions focused on building effective messaging for conservative contexts, engaging policymakers through EU frameworks, and leveraging digital platforms like Grindr to strengthen visibility and coordination across borders. This level of rigor reflects what Grindr for Equality’s annual awards are designed to support — serious, in-depth convenings that help local movements move from visibility to strategy to execution. As a 2025 awardee, Freedom to Marry Global exemplifies how sustained investment in cross-regional collaboration can accelerate progress far beyond any single campaign.

Threading every exchange were three words offered by Evan Wolfson, founder of Freedom to Marry Global, “Hope, Clarity, and Tenacity.” These, he said, are the qualities that won marriage equality in the United States—and the ones we need most moving forward. Together, they serve as both mantra and map, guiding not only future possibilities but also the change already in motion.

Signs of Progress Across the Region

Lithuania continues to debate a civil-union bill, yet as recently as this past summer, 15–20 same-sex couples have already gained some form of legal recognition through the courts as a result of the April 2025 landmark Constitutional Court decision affirming that same-sex couples cannot be excluded from civil partnership. Latvia’s Saeima passed legislation in November 2023 establishing a civil partnership system including same-sex couples. Since the law went into effect in July 2024, hundreds of same-sex couples have shared in many basic, fundamental protections, while the fight for additional protections and the freedom to marry continues on. In Ukraine, a court in Kyiv recently recognized a same-sex couple as family for the first time in the country’s history — an extraordinary step forward in a country at war. The EU Advocate General urged Poland to extend free-movement rights to same-sex spouses on equal terms with heterosexual couples, with a related decision from the European Court of Justice expected to be released before the end of 2025. Czechia’s enhanced civil partnership law went into effect in January,in part catalyzed by funding from Grindr, while advocates continue pushing for full marriage. And of course, Estonia’s legalization of same-sex marriage that took effect in 2024 stands as the region’s clearest sign that the movement is not only alive but moving forward.

Despite oppressive political winds, advocates in the room are creating momentum for our movement, one country, one case at a time. Among their allies is Grindr for Equality — Grindr’s social-impact initiative advancing LGBTQ+ health, safety, and human rights globally. 

For Grindr, marriage equality is not an abstract ideal but a core priority that affects the daily lives of millions of our users. A 2024 Grindr survey revealed that a vast majority of gay and bisexual men who are seeking relationships say they ultimately want to get married. Legal recognition determines access to healthcare, parental and immigration rights, and the ability to make decisions for the person you love. But it also does something less easily quantified: it expands the horizon of what’s possible — affirming that gay, bi, and trans people can build families, form lasting partnerships, raise children, and live with the same joy and sense of belonging as anyone else. Grindr is not only a place where connections begin; it’s a place where people can imagine a future surrounded by people they love. 

Determination Grounded in Progress

As the Vilnius summit concluded, the feeling in the room was one of determination grounded in progress. Participants left with clearer legislative roadmaps, new avenues for regional coordination, and renewed energy to embed marriage equality into broader human rights frameworks. For Grindr for Equality, this collaboration reaffirmed that advancing LGBTQ+ rights is as much about policy and partnership as it is about visibility and voice.

In a world where progress often comes inch by inch, the message from Vilnius — and from the broader ILGA-Europe gathering — was unmistakable: the movement is still winning. And it will continue to win not by hope alone, but by the clarity of purpose and the tenacity of those who refuse to let love be limited. 

Grindr's Halloween Survey: The Data on What Gets You Going This Spooky Season

Halloween is the one night a year when gays get to dress up like total sluts and no one can say anything about it. It's our holiday. Always has been.

We wanted to know exactly how the community celebrates, so we surveyed over 1,000 Grindr users about their spooky season habits. What we found: getting scared and getting laid go together better than you'd think.

Scarousal Is Real

Getting scared makes most of you horny. 82% of users confirmed that the thrill of a horror movie or haunted house has turned them on. Another 71% think "scarousal" (arousal triggered by fear) is an actual psychological thing, not just a joke.

Movies that get you both scared and horny:

• Interview with the Vampire
• American Psycho
• Jennifer's Body

Ghostface Won Sexiest Halloween Character

33.2% of you picked Ghostface from Scream as the hottest Halloween character. Remmick from Sinners came in second at 17.2%, with Michael Myers at 15.6%.

The monster preferences split pretty evenly:

• 46% like sleek, dominant vampire energy
• 32% want hairy, primal werewolf types

Kinkiest monster feature? Fangs dominated with 52%, while claws and tentacles each got 24%.

The Costume Question

Most of you (59%) would rather your Halloween hookup be naked or close to it. That's 31% who want full commando and 28% who like a costume that barely counts as clothing.

The other 41% prefer the costume stays on for roleplay purposes.

Surprisingly sexy costumes people have seen on the grid:

• "A slutty Albert Einstein"
• "Ghostface but in a stripper outfit"
• "Genderbent Patrick Bateman"
• "The Grindr Torso (smiley mask, harness, underwear)"
• "A werewolf head and nothing else"
• "Two hairy guys as Romy and Michele in tight satin dresses"

What to Expect Halloween Night

61% believe they're more likely to hook up on Halloween than any other night. Expectations are high.

What actually scares users:

• Hookup lasting under 15 minutes (40.9%)
• Guy with a great costume who's boring in bed (37.9%)
• Date who hates horror movies (21.2%)

The "I'm Scared" Line Works

68% of users have successfully used or received the "I'm scared" move during a scary movie. That includes 32% who've deployed it themselves and 36% who've had someone use it on them.

One respondent noted: "Yes, and it worked every time."

Survey of 1,100 active Grindr users in the US, October 3-10, 2025.

An Ode to Power Bottoms

For Power Bottom Appreciation Day (October 30), we interviewed three power bottoms about the power and pleasure they find in taking on this role during sex.

By Sam Manzella

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Bottoming and taking on a passive role during sex aren’t inherently synonymous. Case in point: power bottoms. Maybe you’ve hooked up with one, or maybe you identify as one yourself — if so, then you’re intimately familiar with the unique and incredibly hot energy they bring to the bedroom. Unlike passive or submissive bottoms, power bottoms take charge when fucking, determining the pace, positions, and level of intensity. Think top energy, except, you know… while bottoming.

October might be winding down, but the hype for Power Bottom Appreciation Day (October 30) is just getting started. To celebrate, Grindr interviewed some self-described power bottoms about the power they find in leaning into this label, and, of course, the pleasure they get from fucking this way. Here’s what they had to say.

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Cody Silver (pronouns: he/him)

Today, Cody Silver markets himself as vers, but that was a somewhat recent development in his sex life. For years, he exclusively bottomed and power bottomed. “It takes a really good bottom to be a good top because you understand the positions, what speed to go at, what feels good,” he says.

Though he’s leaned into his inner “vers king” and has even curated two separate Private Albums on Grindr for topping and bottoming, Cody is always eager to flaunt his power bottoming skills. He’s become quite the pro at edging tops with his hole, for instance: “That’s when you really feel that power: when they moan, ‘Oh, I’m getting close.’ And you can either slow it down so they last longer, or you can get them to the edge and then just bring it back.”

Power bottoming isn’t just a way that Cody likes to get off (though that’s definitely part of it). It’s a source of empowerment for him, too. “I’m so tired of all the rampant top supremacy out there,” he shares. “I think at first, I really subscribed to the whole bottom shame stigma — for what reason, I don’t know. Without us, these tops would have nothing to say.”

Cody’s best tips for feeling confident while power bottoming? Doing a thorough job of preparing and cleaning out beforehand helps him enjoy himself, he notes. But more than that, “remember that you have all the power. It’s whatever you’re consenting to and whatever your top is consenting to. And more than anything, just have fun! If it doesn’t feel good, stop or say something.”

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David* (pronouns: he/him)

Though he’s fully embraced the power bottom life now, David didn’t always connect with this label. “I used to think ‘power bottom’ just meant someone who always bottoms,” he says. “Over time, I realized it’s more about self-awareness and confidence.” He loves how the label captures the complexity of this role: the way it calls for a balance between control and submission.

“There’s something powerful about being tuned in to your own pleasure and helping your partner meet you there,” he shares. “When you know what works for you, and you can express that, it changes everything. I’ve enjoyed sex so much more since having this realization and coming to terms with how I like to show up in the bedroom.”

As for navigating the apps as a self-identified power bottom? It’s been a mixed experience for David. “It’s funny — some people still get weird about the term ‘power bottom,’” he says. He’s definitely encountered his fair share of tops who act like it’s a threat to their masculinity. At the same time, “there are plenty of people out there who totally get it and are into that confidence.”

David’s advice for other power bottoms is to just own it. “Be curious, be vocal, and be confident,” he says. Because when you show up to the apps or even a hookup with that kind of energy, “you can attract the same in return.”

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Dakota* (pronouns: she/they)

Dakota began identifying as a power bottom last year, after their partner observed that their self-described switchiness usually manifested as power bottoming. “I looked it up and agreed,” they share. They love how the label reflects “being in control of how I receive pleasure,” whether that’s through speed, the way they’re being serviced, or the praise she’s giving and receiving.

“My favorite thing about being a power bottom is getting to affirm transmasculine partners through praise and certain fetishes,” Dakota says. They’ve particularly enjoyed exploring their breeding kink while taking on this role in the bedroom. 

Though they’ve encountered their fair share of bottom shaming, including hurtful comments from past connections, Dakota was able to work through it with therapy and positive affirmations from current partners. Power bottom or not, “life is too short to get caught up on what other people will say or think,” they share.

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* Name changed or last name omitted for privacy.

We're excited to announce a limited-edition accessory collection with CHRISHABANA that turns kink into wearable art. Three pieces that merge digital culture with high fashion, now available exclusively in the app and on our website.

Fresh off their inaugural New York Fashion Week debut, CHRISHABANA brought their signature aesthetic—industrial glamour, punk refinement, unapologetic gay opulence—to a capsule inspired by the Pleasure Ball's "Garden of Otherworldly Delights" theme. These are masterfully sculpted designs with an undeniable edge, built for people who wear their desire out loud.

The Heavy Metal Jock | $300

Stretch lycra vinyl with a laser-cut mask logo positioned exactly where mouths tend to go. Polished nickel hardware and steel chain that clinks when you move. Adjustable straps for thick thighs, detachable chains for discretion. The construction holds up whether you're wearing it under jeans to the Eagle or getting pressed against a bathroom stall wall. This is the jock that gets you flagged at airport security and thoroughly searched at your destination.

The Adam Harness | $295

Black leather laser-cut with reclining male figures, connected by nickel-plated ball chain that leaves temporary marks when pressed against skin. Three adjustment points to accommodate different builds and different positions. The leather handles sweat, spit, and whatever else Saturday night brings. Wear this when you want to skip the small talk at Folsom, when your Grindr profile needs updating, when vanilla isn't on the menu.

Prick and Thorn Grip Chain | $175

Cast brass charms with rhodium plating on a cable chain strong enough for someone to pull you by. Sits at that perfect length where it's visible in shirtless pics but doesn't get in the way when you're on your knees. Heavy enough to remind you it's there when you're otherwise occupied, subtle enough for brunch with the boys who already know what you did last night.

From the Designer

"I've been really interested in exploring adult themes through a high-fashion perspective, finding ways to elevate ideas around intimacy, sexuality, and desire through design," said Chris Habana, who's dressed Lady Gaga, SZA, and Coleman Domingo. "With this Grindr collaboration, it felt like the perfect moment to dive even deeper, this time focusing on the queer experience. As a queer designer, that makes it feel more personal. These pieces are meant to enhance the way people express themselves and enjoy their everyday lives with confidence, humor, and a little bit of edge."

The full collection is available now exclusively on the Grindr website now.

Last night, Iron23 in NYC became something else entirely. Grindr's second annual Pleasure Ball took over the venue with 'The Garden of Otherworldly Delights'—and if last year was decadent, this year added teeth.

The Setup

Lush. Toxic. Dripping with temptation. The production team at Kind transformed the space into a surreal garden where fantasy and reality collided, subtlety took the night off, and everyone showed up ready to play.

The Performances

Slayyyter opened the night hours before dropping her new single "Crank" at midnight. Jake Shears followed with Scissor Sisters classics: "Don't Feel Like Dancin'" and "Filthy/Gorgeous" hit exactly as hard as they needed to. The room responded accordingly.

The Fashion Moment

The Grindr x CHRISHABANA capsule made its debut. The Heavy Metal Jock—chain with laser-cut detailing. The Adam Harness—leather with reclining male figures. The Prick and Thorn Grip Chain necklace. Industrial glamour meets punk refinement meets unapologetic opulence. Terrence, Amir Morris, and Luxx Noir London wore select pieces. 

The Guest List

Dawn. Ashnikko. Aquaria. Edvin Thompson. Icons, tastemakers, and the beautifully unbothered filled the room—proof that Halloween isn't just one night for our community. It's embedded in who we are: the camp, the drama, the outsider energy, the transformation.

The Looks

Here's who absolutely turned it out at the #GrindrPleasureBall.

Year two complete. The garden's closed until next season.

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What do you get when you mix soft rap, a dash of K-pop chaos, and a two-seat convertible flying through the Hollywood Hills at night? You get “Passenger princess,” the flirty, late-night-drive anthem from Tutafarel — the Brazilian-born, LA-based multimedia artist whose upcoming album Monte Casanova is shaping up to be part queer fantasy, part digital fever dream.

The song is sexy, playful, and cinematic, but like much of Tutafarel’s work, it’s got depth under the gloss. Inspired by everything from 90s action films to Giacomo Casanova himself, the Monte Casanova universe blends music, literature, and film into a story about desire, imperfection, and making space for softness in a hyper-staged world. We caught up with the self-described passenger princess to talk queer intimacy, musical inspirations, and what it means to just be along for the ride.

How would you like to introduce yourself to the Grindr fam?

Hi! I’m Tutafarel, a Brazilian-born artist living in LA. I like to think of myself as a bit of a polymath, or a “Renaissance man”, if you will. I write, produce, perform, direct, edit... and occasionally overthink all my life choices.

I make multimedia pop projects, but I also have an academic side: I love studying and writing about film and media theory. I’m a total nerd who’ll stay in watching Star Trek one night, then dance until 3 a.m. the next. Call it the best of both worlds! I try to follow my heart more than my head these days, very Passenger Princess of me.

Q: So, let’s get into it… what exactly is a Passenger Princess? And why are you proudly claiming the title?

To me, a Passenger Princess is someone who chooses softness in a world that demands control. It’s someone who reclaims pleasure, romance, and intimacy as forms of agency.

The song came from a real moment: riding shotgun late at night through the Hollywood Hills, this guy driving with one hand on the wheel and the other on my leg, music loud, lights rushing past. I looked at my reflection in the window blending with the city lights, and for a second, I felt pure joy in letting go. There was something beautiful about surrendering to the moment, letting an outside force take over.

The “Passenger Princess” title felt like the perfect way to explore that. In a world dominated by surveillance and curated online identities, we all need the reminder that life is happening now, and that sometimes, the most radical thing we can do is enjoy the present.

Q: Your music video and the Prelude teaser you posted on Instagram both have serious cinematic vibes. What inspired them?

The visual world of Passenger Princess is meant to define the ethos of a modern-day romantic; someone soft, emotional, and self-aware in the age of digital spectatorship. With the prelude teaser in particular, I wanted to create a filmic artifact that blends fiction and self-portraiture. The visual style was heavily inspired by Agnès Varda, especially her documentary The Gleaners and I. I loved the raw, handheld intimacy in her work; the way she reframes the ordinary as poetic. That was the foundation for the way I shot this: low-res, spontaneous, and deeply personal.

At the same time, I wove in scenes from films like Thelma & Louise, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and Lost in Translation, all of which touch on queer-coded themes of escape, self-discovery, and intimate rebellion. I was curious about what it means to insert a queer body into those cinematic lineages. What does it mean to be the passenger, not the driver? The one watched, not the one in control? The video becomes an act of queer authorship, using montage, reflection, and touch to rewrite traditional dynamics of power and desire.

The music video moves between moments of voyeurism and intimacy: taking selfies, lounging in bed, riding through the city, and even disappearing into a fantasy world when taking a shower. It’s not just about being seen, but seeing yourself, and realizing that surrender can be powerful too. The Passenger Princess doesn’t escape reality. They rewrite it.

Q: What’s the story behind the song itself? Where did it come from sonically and emotionally?

When I was making Passenger Princess, I was listening to a lot of K-pop, that shiny, glitzy, high-energy kind of sound, but also Doja Cat, PinkPantheress, Addison Rae, and Brockhampton. I wanted to blend all those worlds together: the glossy hyperpop edge, the soft feminine sparkle, and that confident, chaotic male energy. Sonically, it’s all beep, boppity-boop, but in a way that feels warm and intimate too.

Emotionally, I wanted it to feel like joy. Like something you put on while you’re biking through the city or getting ready to go out, something that lifts your spirit instantly. I think of it as a flirty little confidence spell.

I produced the whole thing myself on GarageBand, like the rest of my debut album, because I wanted to keep that bedroom-pop intimacy. There’s something powerful about making a pop anthem from scratch in your room, it’s both personal and larger than life at the same time.

Q: You’re not just dropping a song, you’re building a universe with your album. What is Monte Casanova all about?

Monte Casanova is my debut album, and I wanted it to be a project that really represents me sonically, something innovative but still rooted in pop. I think of it in the same way Motomami is for Rosalía, Melodrama is for Lorde, or Montero is for Lil Nas X; a world of its own. It’s an album that moves through different moods and genres but always cohesive, like you’re being taken on a journey.

While I was working on the music, the universe started expanding on its own. The songs were so visual that they naturally evolved into storytelling, and that’s how the book of the same title and a TikTok series were born. The book, which is Succession meets Romeo & Juliet, is a two-act queer tragedy set in a futuristic Los Angeles ruled by media spectacle, where love and politics blur into a chaotic unfolding of desire, intimacy, and betrayal. The daily TikTok series acts as a prelude, turning that universe into something lived, part diary, part drama, letting people step inside it in real time.

Together, they form one big narrative about desire, identity, and the chaos of being seen in the modern age. I wanted to create something cinematic and emotional, but still Pop at its core, something that invites people to get lost in it the way I did while making it. It’s Pop escapism down boots!

Q: How do you think the idea of the Passenger Princess speaks to the queer experience today?

There’s something very queer and radical about surrender. We’re constantly negotiating power, identity, and desire, often without a roadmap. The Passenger Princess is someone who creates their own archetype. It’s about letting go, but also about being witnessed. There’s deep tenderness in that. We deserve to be soft. We deserve to be held. And we can still hold power in that softness. Letting go doesn’t mean living passively; sometimes it’s the most intentional act of all.

Q: Who or what inspires you right now — musically, aesthetically, emotionally?

This artwork was drawn by John Brooks. We got together one afternoon and he took some photos of me that he later turned into this piece. That’s his dog Ludwig, by the way, sitting calmly next to me. I didn’t give him a specific brief. I trusted his eye and I knew that whatever came back would feel honest.

What I love most are the strokes. You can see his hand in them. It’s not slick or overly polished. It’s soft and a little vulnerable. The texture makes it feel like a memory, or like someone trying to hold on to how something felt rather than how it looked. There’s something really tender in that.

John’s work often blends queer intimacy with dreamlike stillness, and I think this image is a perfect example. It captures the romance at the heart of “Passenger Princess.” Not romance in the sense of a love story, but romanticism as a worldview. The colors, the quiet, the way Ludwig looks at the viewer. It’s subtle, but it says so much. It reminds me that queerness can be soft and lush and dreamy, and still hold power. This isn’t a cover that screams. It glows.

Q: Last question: any message for other fellow Passenger Princesses reading this?

Just live in the present. Try not to worry too much about others, just do you. Ask for fries on the way home. You deserve it.

We’ve all been there. One moment, you’re considering anything from scaling a wall to spending stupid money on a taxi fare to meet your match. Or perhaps you’re already with them, and you find yourself offering, maybe even begging, to participate in some off-the-wall, new, kinky territory in pursuit of pleasure. You’re completely transfixed with meeting their needs, and your own, all in service of a shared end goal. On Grindr, that tunnel vision can feel industrial-strength.

After the Orgasm

And then, something shifts. In a matter of seconds, you’re in a near out-of-body state of relaxation, and the world around you is starting to look a whole lot different. You can’t believe the things you were considering doing… You’re confused, maybe even a little ashamed or disgusted by yourself. What’s changed? Well, you came, of course.

What is Post-Nut Clarity?

This extreme shift in mentality is on account of a phenomenon known to many as “post-nut clarity.” And as today marks one of our favourite holidays here at Grindr HQ—yes, we are referring to National Nut Day—we thought what better excuse to take a deep dive into this mindbending sensation so many of us experience after “busting a nut” in the hopes of understanding what exactly is occurring in the body to cause this epiphany-inducing state.

What Happens in the Brain?

According to Alexis Caught, a queer psychosexual therapist, post-nut clarity is a “mix of a neurobiological and a psychological experience,” meaning that it happens as a result of both chemical changes in the brain as well as our own pre-existing psychological state. “During sex, there is an absolute carnival of hormones going on within our body. All of the fun ones, like dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, are coursing through us, and then it ends with the big finish when we orgasm,” he explains.

In the aftermath of orgasm, our dopamine levels drop sharply, and we have the mental capacity to consider more than just the task at hand. “We’ve gone from being narrowly focused, which is what we do when we have a goal, when we feel that motivation, and then our lens has widened,” describes Aisha Paris Smith, an award-winning somatic sexologist. In fact, the part of our brains that causes us to worry is literally turned off during sex, and so it is only after we climax that this function returns.

“Our nervous system swings from the sympathetic to parasympathetic, and our prefrontal cortex—the bit that is involved in reflection, but it’s also where shame lives in our brain—that comes back online,” Alexis outlines. “The thinking, rational, critical, judgmental part of our brain is suddenly back, and so the contrast between the two can feel jarring for people.”

Why It Can Hit Gay Men Harder

It’s through this widened lens that we can sometimes begin to reconsider our previous desires and actions. In fact, it’s proven that men who have sex with men are far more likely to experience psychosexual issues (such as erectile dysfunction) and more than twice as likely to experience general mental health struggles than our cis het counterparts, so we are at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to battling the post-nut blues. Add variables like hookup logistics, performance pressure, safety calculus, and centuries of having our sexualities stigmatised and pathologized by those around us, and the flip can feel sharper for queer men navigating app culture.

Use It—Don’t Overreact

The word “clarity” has relatively positive connotations, and, of course, this state of mind can sometimes be an opportunity to reconsider a situation with a partner and ask ourselves some important questions: Did I actually enjoy what we were just doing? What am I feeling uncomfortable with here? Do I feel I was respected or cared for? However, given that we are also in the midst of a significant hormonal shift while in this state, we must also be wary of our feelings during this time. It begs the question: how clear is post-nut clarity, actually?

Both Alexis and Aisha agree that, most of the time, the so-called epiphanies we experience during post-nut clarity can serve as a useful starting point to examine elements of our sex lives but, as we are still in such a vulnerable state, it is important not to put too much credence on what we feel in that exact moment. 

“I would say allow yourself to not push these thoughts away and reject them, but also not to run with them into a place of regret or self-hatred,” Aisha offers. “It’s not a moment in which you can be objective. Your rational mind hasn’t come back yet, your system is still flooded with hormones, so it’s best to just observe what you’re feeling, and then perhaps that evening or an hour or two later, reflect or speak with someone, perhaps your partner, to try to discover what these feelings are telling you.”

Aftercare with Partners

It’s crucial, of course, that we look after ourselves while in this tender state; however, it is also important to note that often there is another individual involved to whom we also have a duty of care and respect. a. It’s possible that feelings of shame or self-loathing could lead us to wanting to reject our partner or speak about sex in a way that might be hurtful to them. We must remember that our partner is also in a vulnerable state, whether they have cum or not, and that our sudden shift in disposition could be confusing or hurtful to them.

Alexis suggests that, if you are with a partner you trust and feel comfortable with, it could be worth vocalising what you are feeling to them and seeking post-sex aftercare such as cuddling, hair stroking and other forms of non-sexual intimacy. In situations where we are not with a trusted partner, try to self-soothe before acting. Slow your breathing down, perhaps give yourself a hug, and, most importantly: “Remember it’s totally normal - about 50% of people will have experienced this at some point in their life,” he says, a figure he believes may be higher among queer men. “This is a temporary, shifting experience. It doesn’t mean it’s nice, but remind yourself that it will pass.”

Basic aftercare reads as simple kindness: a check-in, a sip of water, a minute of quiet before dressing. Small things soften the flip for both people.

Dealing Post-Nut Clarity Solo 

Of course, all of this assumes that you are in person with a sexual partner, but as many Grindr users will know, often we experience post-nut clarity when we are by ourselves after using the app while self-pleasuring. Sometimes we explore fantasies online we’re not ready for in real life—and that’s okay. The contrast between our virtual sexual escapades and real life can be a common trigger during post-nut clarity. Aisha notes that many people will struggle as they try to come to terms and ask themselves: “Can I include in my self-image that I desire this thing, that I fantasize about this thing, even if I accept I am not ready to meet it in real life?”

Queer desire has always had a vivid imaginative wing; fantasy isn’t less authentic than real sex, it’s just different. The work—later, not immediately after—can be deciding whether any piece of that fantasy belongs in your IRL sex life, and under what boundaries.

Don’t Ghost

Nevertheless, post-nut clarity is not a license to disregard the feelings of someone who has been vulnerable with you online, including anyone who shared intimate images or explicit messages. It can be tempting to vanish or block, but there is a human being on the other end of that interaction. A sudden one-eighty or ghosting can leave them hurt and confused, and they may have believed you would meet in real life; they may even have started preparing. Aisha notes that behaving in this way during post-nut clarity can “create a system of objectification that actually leaves both parties feeling unsatisfied.” We’ve all been on the other end of this sort of false exchange, so, in short, don’t be that guy!

If plans change, a brief message turns a messy comedown into a clean exit. You don’t need a speech—just clarity and courtesy.

Bottom Line

So what have we learned then? First and foremost, post-nut clarity is completely normal and experienced by a huge percentage of people. Secondly, try to check yourself in this state before behaving in a way that might hurt another individual’s feelings—remember, they’re probably in some sort of tender state themselves.

And lastly, if you find yourself struggling with thoughts and feelings that rise to the surface during post-nut clarity, don’t panic—you won’t feel like that forever. “For most people, it will be quite a small wave,” Alexis points out (though he notes that a very small percentage of people might remain in this state for a number of hours, or in extreme cases a day). “So just allow yourself to ride it and embrace the curiosity it inspires in that immediate aftermath.” Wait—not post-nut clarity actually being potentially psychologically useful? As if we needed another excuse to bust a nut…

At Grindr, we’re always looking for ways to simplify our development process. One goal that kept coming up was: “Let’s use only one dependency manager across all our codebase.” And that meant saying goodbye to CocoaPods and fully embracing Swift Package Manager (SPM).

For the most part, it was a smooth transition until we got to our Ads stack, which includes AppLovin and a variety of mediation adapters. That’s where things got tricky.

This is the story of how we worked around those limitations, reused what CocoaPods gave us, and built a tool to generate a working Swift package from a bunch of .xcframeworks.

Why did we need to build our own Swift package?

If you’ve ever worked with AppLovin, you know the core SDK supports SPM. But what about the mediation adapters (Unity, GAM, HyBid…)? Not so much.

“Note, this Swift package only includes the main AppLovin MAX SDK. We currently do not support installing MAX mediation network adapters using Swift Package Manager.”
https://github.com/AppLovin/AppLovin-MAX-Swift-Package

At the time, most of AppLovin’s adapters were still only available via CocoaPods. That meant if we wanted to use SPM for everything (hint: which we did), we’d need a custom workaround.

After a bit of digging, we noticed something interesting: when you run pod install, CocoaPods downloads precompiled .xcframeworks for many of these dependencies.

That gave us an idea: What if we could take those .xcframeworks and use them to build our own Swift package?

This is how our idea came through...

Step One: Build a Fake Project

To test our idea, we created a minimal project with a Podfile that included AppLovin and all the mediation adapters we use. We ran pod install, and just like we hoped, many of the SDKs were downloaded as .xcframework bundles.

So far, so good.

But not everything was perfect. Some dependencies didn’t come with .xcframeworks at all; they were just pulled in as source code.

Step Two: Hunt for Binaries

For those source-based dependencies, we had to get creative, e.g HyBid.

We visited GitHub releases, vendor documentation, or artifact servers to manually find the correct .xcframework versions. It wasn’t elegant, but it worked, and once we had all the binaries in one place, we could move forward.

Step Three: Automate All the Things

We knew we didn’t want to repeat this process manually every time. So we built a set of scripts to automate everything:

• Generate the temporary CocoaPods project (XcodeGen)
• Run pod install
• Collect all the .xcframeworks
• Organize them into a clean directory (automated with a script)
• Generate a Package.swift file using binaryTargets
• Automatically compute the checksums for remote .zip packages (like AppLovin and HyBid)

In the end, we had a reproducible pipeline that turns a set of binary frameworks into a proper Swift package.

Validating Everything Works

Once we had the package integrated into the main app, we did a full test sweep:

Everything rendered correctly and loaded as expected, but as with any dependency migration, we hit a few bumps along the way.

Duplicate Symbols and Module Conflicts

Initially, we noticed that some builds failed due to duplicate symbol errors. This happened because a few .xcframeworks shared internal symbols across modules, or some were being linked more than once due to improper dependency declarations.

To resolve this, we had to carefully restructure the binary targets, ensuring that:

• Dependencies were declared only once per product.
• Wrapper targets were created for certain SDKs (e.g., AppLovin) to control linker behavior.
• Shared modules weren’t pulled in multiple times through transitive dependencies.

Controlling Linkage Behavior in SPM

Unlike CocoaPods, SPM handles linking automatically, which usually works well, but for performance-sensitive frameworks like ad SDKs, we needed more control.

We introduced custom .target entries with explicit linkerSettings, making sure the required system frameworks were statically linked. This helped us:

• Avoid increased launch times.
• Prevent SPM from defaulting to dynamic linking for certain modules.
• Match the behavior of our previous CocoaPods integration.

Handling Google SDKs with High Coupling

Some Google libraries (like GoogleMobileAds) have complex transitive dependencies, and managing them manually through .xcframework references proved brittle.

What We Learned

• CocoaPods remains a practical tool for resolving and extracting binary artifacts
  While SPM is our long-term solution, CocoaPods can still serve a transitional purpose, particularly when dealing with SDKs that don’t yet expose precompiled binaries via .xcframework.zip. It reliably resolves versioned dependencies and materializes the .xcframeworks we can later repackage for SPM.
  
• Swift Package Manager supports complex setups via binaryTarget and custom linkage
  SPM’s binaryTarget support allows for clean integration of precompiled frameworks, even in ecosystems not originally designed for it. Combined with target configurations for linking system frameworks and setting linkerSettings, it provides the necessary tools to replace CocoaPods in binary-focused setups.
  
• Automating the pipeline eliminates manual, error-prone work
  By scripting the generation of Package.swift, dependency resolution, and checksum calculation, we created a reproducible and scalable process. This ensures consistency across environments (CI/local), reduces onboarding friction, and avoids configuration drift.
  
• Explicit project structure improves maintainability and clarity
  Separating concerns into dedicated directories — one for framework artifacts, one for script logic, and one for the generated package — brings transparency to the system. This makes it easier to maintain, debug, and evolve the tooling over time without unintended side effects.
  
  

https://developer.apple.com/documentation/xcode/distributing-binary-frameworks-as-swift-packages

https://www.emergetools.com/blog/posts/make-your-ios-app-smaller-with-dynamic-frameworks#building-our-xcframework

At Grindr for Equality, our mission has always been simple: to use the reach of Grindr’s global platform to improve the health, safety, and rights of LGBTQ+ people everywhere. 

Grindr’s reach is truly global, about 80% of our users are outside the U.S., including many in the roughly 65 countries where it’s still a crime to be gay and the 150+ countries where same-sex couples can’t marry. Our goal is to meet communities where they are, especially in places where access to services, safety, and equality are most at risk. 

Despite significant advances, 1.3 million people acquired HIV in 2023, and PrEP access remains critically low in the regions that need it most. The groups we partner with are supporting the global response, leveraging Grindr daily to share life-saving information and support. 

This year, I’m proud to share that we’re supporting five partner organizations whose work shares our mission. These groups are driving critical progress in HIV prevention, marriage equality, and community safety. These awards strengthen that work by pairing trusted community leadership with Grindr’s digital Gayborhood.

Each organization brings unique expertise to urgent community needs:

• International Treatment Preparedness Coalition (ITPC Global) supports LGBTQ+-led organizations across Latin America, Africa, and Eastern Europe/Central Asia to fill urgent HIV service gaps and launch digital prevention campaigns through Grindr.
• Sustained Health Initiatives of the Philippines pilots in-app HIV outreach that connects users to self-testing, TelePrEP, and mental health support in one of Asia’s fastest-growing epidemics.
• Freedom to Marry Global brings advocates from more than 20 countries together to coordinate regional marriage equality efforts in Europe and Asia, while using Grindr to extend their reach beyond traditional advocacy spaces.
• Marriage For All Japan leads a national mobilization campaign ahead of an expected Supreme Court ruling, using Grindr to share videos and surveys that turn widespread public support into visible action.
• Solidarity and Action Against The HIV Infection in India (SAATHII) launches a community safety pilot in India, providing legal helplines, harm reduction resources, and safety information through discreet in-app messages.

Each of these partnerships reflects the same idea: when community leaders have the resources they need and the ability to reach people directly, they can accelerate change at scale.

We’ll be sharing updates from these projects over the next year as they roll out. I’m continually inspired by the ingenuity and dedication of our partners and grateful that Grindr for Equality can help amplify their work.

Together, we’re building a world where LGBTQ+ people can live openly, safely, and with the knowledge and resources to thrive.

‍Learn more about Grindr for Equality and our partners.

The 2025 Awards are disbursed through the Grindr for Equality Fund at the Tides Foundation. 

Happy National Dessert Day. If you’ve got a sweet tooth, consider the most decadent course on the menu: eating ass. It’s intimate, it’s playful, and when you do it right, it’s a trust fall that should end in fireworks, not crumbs.

Eating ass has hit the mainstream—and why not? There are a lot of nerve endings down there, making it a seriously underrated erogenous zone. For those who love to give, being face-deep in someone you trust can be intimate and deeply satisfying. It’s one of those acts that’s equal parts pleasure and connection. And honestly, it’s a hole. We all have one, and everyone deserves to enjoy theirs.

Just because rimming is trending doesn’t mean our rim literacy has caught up. More interest means more potential for mishaps, which is why your salad-tossing pals at Grindr are here with the lowdown on the down below.

Notebooks (and tongue rings) at the ready…

Ask First, Lick Later 

Let’s start where all good things do: communication. Asking someone to eat your ass—or to eat theirs—can feel vulnerable. Talk about preferences, boundaries, safe words, positions, and anything else that helps you both relax. Keep checking in during the moment. The more trust you build, the hotter it gets.

Clean Plate Club 

Some people are into funkier smells and tastes, and that’s fine—do you. But safety and hygiene matter when it comes to rimming. Bacterial infections like Shigella, Giardia, E. coli, or Hepatitis A can be passed through oral-anal contact. UTIs are also possible if you’re swapping from ass to cock frequently.

If you’re exploring with multiple partners, keep communication extra open and honest.

An enema or douche isn’t always necessary; rimming focuses on the rim itself, not deep penetration. Still, it helps to shower first or at least clean the area as best you can (and yes, respect your giver). If douching helps ease anxiety, go for it—but be gentle and give yourself at least an hour before play. Trimming or shaving is optional.

For givers: check your mouth. Avoid rimming if you have a cold sore or any cuts. Stay up-to-date on vaccines like Hepatitis A and B. If you’re moving from oral to anal sex, swap to a condom and a fresh, thick lube (silicone-based is great; flavored water-based is best for oral).

Lovely, now, what exactly makes for good rimming? 

Now for the fun part.

Rimming is all about stimulating the ring of nerve endings around the anus. Some people think it’s just licking, but it goes way, way, deeper than that. Go slow. Build anticipation. Alternate between circling the rim, teasing with your tongue, and letting your breath do some work too.

Keep things dynamic. Tease, pause, then go back in. You can flatten your tongue for broader contact or flick for a sharper sensation. Some receivers love a little penetration with a fingertip or toy (just communicate and use lube).

The crinkled outer edge of the anus is especially sensitive. Trace it. Explore. Pay attention to body language, moans, and movement. They’ll tell you what’s working better than words ever could.

Okay, so position-wise? 

Comfort and access are key. Here are a few classics:

• Doggy style: easy reach, classic angle.
  
  
• On stomach, hips propped by a pillow: relaxed and open.
  
  
• Spread-eagle: more exposure, great visibility for the giver.
  
  
• Face-sitting (reverse or not): power for the receiver, leverage for the giver—and easily turns into a 69.

There’s a lot to explore with rimming, and pleasure, trust, communication, and connection are all crucial ingredients to have your cake and eat it, too. On this National Dessert Day, skip the cupcakes and celebrate with something even sweeter: good technique, good hygiene, and a very satisfied partner.