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How can I respectfully ask a trans person what they like sexually?

Asking a person what they’re into sexually can be great for opening up discussion, but it’s important to avoid making assumptions.

 Trans people have assumptions made about them all the time, and one of those is about sexual roles. Avoid assuming a trans woman (someone who lives as a woman today) can’t be a top, for example, and stay open to whatever an individual might say they enjoy.

 Additionally, don’t assume you know how a trans person wants you to refer to their genitals. Some trans people use words associated with their gender identity even if their genitals look different than cis people’s. For example, a trans man (someone who lives as a man today) may use the word dick, even if he hasn’t had a surgery to enlarge it. Other trans people may use the words associated with a gender they are not. For example, a trans woman (someone who lives as a woman today) who has not had surgery to create a vagina may also use the word dick. Finally, some trans people may use words that are new to you altogether. For example, a trans man might refer to their front hole. Getting these words wrong could result in hurt feelings and a failure to connect so it’s always a good idea to ask.


For more information on transgender people and the trans movement, check out the National Center for Transgender Equality.